Haters Going To Hate

Haters Going To Hate by Kim Orlesky

Since embarking on my journey to be a blogger and public speaker I put out a lot of personal stories and pieces of advice. So it’s fair to say I am in the public eye.

My writing is not your lists of things that you need to do to be a better, husband, worker, or human being. I refer to my writing as “creative non-fiction”. Stories about my life that are lesson oriented and bring the reader inspiration.

Stories People Hate

Every so often I like to create a piece that allows the reader to consider a new perspective. This has included a post called Why Being Laid Off Makes It The Perfect Time To Travel, and before that Why You Should Become An Elitist. In both these articles, my intention was to open the reader up to a new possibility for their life. I invite the reader to consider a new perspective and then ask for their own opinions and commentary.

No matter what, I love receiving comments. I love when people challenge my opinions and educate me on theirs. However with healthy debate sometimes comes the hating. I wish it wasn’t the case, but some people have difficulty separating the topic from the person.

I’ve had some terrible comments directed at me. Ones that if I was anything less than the strong person I am would have left me in tears.

Related Post: What It Takes To Be Consistently Imperfect

In the beginning, I would take personal insult to these attacks, which is funny, because developing a career in sales I quickly learned to grow a tough skin and let it fall off like water off a duck’s back. However something was a little bit different this time around when I was now my own brand and my own product. I was hurt. I felt humiliated, ashamed, and wanted to take it all back. I still believed in everything I said. I didn’t feel the need to erase or delete any blog posts or tweets, but I did want to crawl away and not be seen or heard from again.

Hating Entrepreneurs

As The Leading Sales Coach, I meet a lot of entrepreneurs. It’s not uncommon in our initial meeting over the phone or in person to have the person start to tear up. It’s often always the same: I ask questions about their goals and ambitions for their business, I ask what would that mean to their life if they were able to accomplish that, how committed are they to achieving that goal, and finally what has been stopping them from achieving it up to this point. Many of the answers are they don’t know how, they are unsure where to start, but the most common one that always comes out is the number of people that told them they couldn’t do it, it can’t be done, go back and get a “real” job.

It’s unfortunate that the words that come out of someone’s mouth one time is enough to do damage to us for far longer. It sits in the back of our minds always providing that extra gremlin of commentary in most of our actions.

Dealing With Haters

Although it sucks seeing someone’s hateful words as a comment on my blog post. It sits as a constant reminder of my own personal biggest fears, that I am a fraud, not a real writer, that I won’t succeed. It sits there and allows me to re-read it, analyze it, build in additional messages between the lines that aren’t even there. However, it has also given me the opportunity to critically think about what to respond, how to properly choose my words, which can be even more difficult when people are prone to adding tone into writing that doesn’t include it. It has given me the ultimate response that works every single time, in every single situation, whether writing or speaking: “Thank you for your concern”.

Related Post: The Words I Am Grateful For

There is an art to saying it in such as way that doesn’t come across as facetious, but I can guarantee that it works every time. Most of the hateful commentary I’ve ever received is because I am doing something that either people want for themselves and aren’t bold enough to get it, or they are fearful. They don’t know how to appropriately express their own fears. If we treat these hateful comments with the love and support that we imagine the phrase is coming from, it changes the whole game.

“Thank you so much for letting me know your concern about me starting my own business, I know it can be scary to venture into unknown sources of income, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”
“Thank you so much for your recent comment on my blog. I am so lucky to have so many opinionated people in my network, it creates variety and allows me to consider new points of view I didn’t consider before.”
“Thank you so much for your constant love and support throughout the years. I know I am doing something you don’t agree with, and it was likely difficult for you to find the words, but I do know this is something that is right for me, and I hope no matter what I can always count on you for your love.”

Haters Going To Hate

As I continue to write, produce content, and speak on the stage there will always be a few things that I say or write that people don’t agree with. That’s life. I don’t regret the things that I say. I have worked to not just say the first thing that comes to my mind but rather strategically think about what I will communicate before doing so. But every now and then a title of a blog post, the way some of my writing is perceived, even some of the tweets I put out, including simple motivational quotes, there will sometimes be a person that feels they need to respond with negativity, or worse, personally attack me. Every opportunity I get to deal with varying forms of opinion makes me stronger, and hopefully by spreading kindness and compassion there will be a day where it no longer bothers me at all.

Get Selling More

Kim is an international speaker, two-time author, and The Leading Sales Coach for entrepreneurs and small businesses. She helps companies create sales process and ask the right questions at the right time in order to double and triple their revenue in only a short time.

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