Yesterday, I found myself having a “down day”. That is what I like to call it when I am in a state of feeling sorry for myself. Many of my friends will say that it’s OK to have a down day every now and then, especially after what I’ve been through. That seems like a copout to me though.

A little background for those of you that don’t know me. About 1 1/2 years ago my husband lost his job. Soon after that, he was offered a job as a Professor at Bangkok University. A pretty great gig but one that required us to move to Bangkok — halfway around the world.

That meant I had to close my business which I loved so very much and move two teenagers to the other side of the globe. Try to do anything with teenagers and you can imagine how hard this was.

Two months after arriving in the land of smiles, my brother was murdered by a convicted felon on parole for just 30-days. So back home I went, leaving the boys here. I was away from them for 2 1/2 months and it was excruciating. While normally a break from teenagers is a good thing, this one was anything but.

Soon after arriving back in Thailand, they arrested my brother’s murderer and my mother has had to face this person every month in court as they lead up to trial. The trial is currently scheduled for June but we are hoping it settles before then. It hurts my heart not to physically be there for her during this time.

A year after arriving, we are currently exploring the possibility of returning to The States but the economic state isn’t any healthier than when we left a year ago. So how realistic this is, we just don’t know.

I think everything sort of hit me yesterday and as a result, I was an emotional mess. I tried some yoga, took a walk and went out to lunch with the boys. Nothing was getting me out of the funk.

I know that negativity breeds more negativity and the “what ifs” began. What if my business fails, what if we can’t find jobs, what if I can’t afford to move home, what if …. You name it and the what if entered my mind. And then there was the biggest what if of all — what if I never get out of this negative space?

When we are aware of our weaknesses or negative tendencies,
we open the opportunity to work on them. ― Allan Lokos

So I how did I handle it? I escaped to my room and watched mindless TV shows. I realize this is not the most proactive, productive or positive approach to getting back to a positive place.

But you know what? It was what I needed in that moment. It allowed me to cry, be mad, sad and frustrated and generally just let it all out. Today I am back to the “I wills” — I will succeed, I will make it, I will find a solution. But yesterday I needed the what ifs.

I talk a lot of about mindset with the small business owners I coach and advise. And yesterday, I was thinking I was a fraud. But today, I know that I am the real thing.

I advocate the practice of the right mindset for you and acknowledge that it is impossible to be in the perfect mindset always. Life happens and we need to react to it. It’s the reactions that give us more resolve when we transition back to the I wills.

It is not what happens to you that matters
it is how you feel about it that does. ― Shannon L. Alder

Today, I am more determined, more confident and more positive. And it’s because I allowed myself to go to dark side — another term for the space where I feel sorry for myself. Going to the dark side only works if I keep looking for the light. And there is no what if about that.