a sputter of sparkle

I know that this is like only time in my life where I feel invincible and can conquer the world and I love that. I love how everyone around me has big dreams and big eyes and big hearts.

But I’m terrified of losing the glimmer of my youth—our youth. No, not appearance wise, but our teenage spirit. Perhaps that’s why some many people retreat to the cubicle life after a while, because we lose our teenage spirit.

Charles Dickens once said some quote about children feeling injustice the most and I agree. Here’s my question: when do we unintentionally lose our empathy and anger and invincibility and sensitivity to injustice? Because I don’t want to lose mine.

I guess, the grown ups will say that pragmatism and reality will hit me, but I hope it doesn’t. I don’t ever want to lose my sensitivity around the world around me.

I will always that awkward girl that never quite belongs because she loves the Wall Street Journal and yelling about current events too much. I have been that girl since I was nine years old and I don’t want to lose it.

I don’t want to lose myself in this whirling world.

So I guess you could say I’m having an identity and existential crisis.

Also, here’s an excerpt of a conversation that I had with a friend today:

“There are so many problems in the world, today. How can we even fix them?” “I don’t think we can fix all the problems in the world…”

It was an unpleasant slap in the face that the world is not as beautiful as we think it is.