Do we live in a bully culture? 

Children bully because adults bully…why is this okay? 

Today I watched this video:

It’s a French ad meant to demonstrate the horrible reality of bullying in public schools — by showing it in an adult work setting. The end caption says “A typical work day doesn't look like this. And a typical school day?” It makes the argument that when this happens to adults, it’s considered unacceptable, yet when it happens to kids, it’s overlooked. But the fact is — adults bully each other all the time.
It’s just typically more subtle.
I follow a lot of LGBTQ pages on Facebook. Usually, things are fine. But it shocks me the amount of vitriole that happens on these pages. Pages designed to be save havens members of the LGBT community, and yet those very members can turn very ugly. Obviously, there are often stories posted of anti-gay politicians and figures, laws put in place that negatively affect the community. There is an expectation that people will be upset about it, and there is nothing wrong with that. Being upset can lead to action and that is how a community changes. What doesn’t lead to change, or at least, not a positive change, are posts like this:
“ Normally, I wouldn’t stoop to this level, but it’s late… I actually think HE is the disgrace to his family for being so ugly AND stupid."
“ The dirty bastard learned his hatred from his parents. They should be locked up too."

Now, these are on stories about hate crimes committed within the United States. Calling someone on despicable behavior is fine. It should happen.
But what does physical appearance have to do with anything? Why call a child a “dirty bastard”? Why does our criticism of people always fall on the PEOPLE and not the behavior? Because of this false ideal: that if we “defend” ourselves, it makes the problem go away. This is how people justify bullying in our schools, by saying children just need to toughen up and defend themselves. This same thing is often used in dealing with rape, assault, crime — what can the VICTIM do to avoid being victimized. And it’s very easy, because it’s far easier to avoid being victimized than it is to stop the victimizer. That might require social and personal changes that are uncomfortable or that we don’t want to make. Those are larger problems. So our response is to cover it up. And “defending” or “toughening up” is a way to cover it up. Let’s ignore that this is happening, that it shouldn’t happen, but retaliating, instead of changing.
And unfortunately, this is not at all limited to schools or children. As demonstrated above, adults are fully capable of bullying behavior. And it can even come from people who are often victims of bullying themselves.

Then stuff like this happens:

“He’s anti gay, and whatever he does, won’t change his core beliefs. Just worried it’s gonna hit his bottom line.”

This was a comment under a story about Barilla’s response to recent boycotts, saying that they were going to attempt to boost diversity. Whenever someone does something anti-gay in our modern world, and then facing retaliation, attempts to make changes, they are still retaliated against. Comments like this are oh so common on stories like this, and in my opinion, it’s another form of bullying — and it’s the exact opposite of change. Why is our response to seemingly apologetic behavior to maintain a thought process of “Well, I still don’t like you”.
Because we’re cynical. Because we’re taught from an early age to be automatically distrustful and defensive, because no one wants to help or change the bullies. We allow bullying behavior to exist.
And this is bad for the bullies too.
When you get down to it, no one is born a bully or a criminal. Some children are born with emotional or social disturbances, many are born with none of these but develop over time. But as children, this would be the easiest place to make a change. To help these children. But our society is confused as to what it wants to do. Because our idea is just “defend” ourselves, without fixing the actual problem. Which might help the individual being bullied, but it won’t stop the bullying in the long run. The bully will pick new victims. And it’s because no one wants to help the bully — find out what they do the things they do. This is our “anti-criminal” culture. Rather than being opposed to the crime (a reasonable thing to be) we are opposed to the people who commit them. This is why the minute someone is accused of a crime, many will immediately declare him guilty. A murder is reported online and a suspect named and everyone in the comments wishes to see them hanged — and the trial hasn’t even started yet. We have no interest in rehabilitating criminals, we just want to see their commuppance.
And this is why so many people released from prison go on to commit the crime again. Sometimes worse crimes.

If you want to fix the bullying problem, it means have to get your hands dirty and face the facts — sometimes you have to help the people who hurt you. THAT is going to make a far bigger change than punching back, because that might be the first bit of confidence and kindness that bully has ever faced. In the LGBT community, are anti-gay people honestly going to be put off if you insult their physical appearance? Is this going to change their ways? Of course not. If anything, it will solidify their own assumptions about the community. So why do it? Because it makes the person insulting them feel better. Temporarily.

And that is what the bully culture is — a way for individuals to feel better, for a moment, because the alternative is so much more uncomfortable. And this is why children bully. Because they’re taught to do what makes THEM feel better, and not what will improve the situation. It is what they watch their parents do. A child comes home from school to parents complaining about coworkers, commenting on strangers, talking during the news about how the latest criminal should be put behind bars for good. No talk about behavior, or rehabilitation, or compromise. Just vengeance.

And then we’re surprised when another teenager have given up their life in the face of bullies.

Strangely, this isn’t a new argument. You may recognize it as the EXACT justification we tell children when they are bullied. “The person bullying you just does it to make themselves feel good”. So why do we respond with the exact same thought process? What makes US feel good? What makes US feel more “confident”? Because deep down, every single person is capable of bullying, to different extremes and levels, but still bullying.

This problem isn’t going to fix itself through “feel good” behavior. It means teaching children to show kindness to everyone, even if the person doesn’t seem to deserve it. To stand up for themselves when they’re in danger, not wallow on the internet insulting their offenders appearance. To seek help when they need it but always recognize that deep down, the child who bullies them may be a victim themself. It’s uncomfortable. It violates everything we, the adults, have been taught. But even if that child takes the “tough” approach, and is spared for their time in school, what happens to the next child the bully targets who doesn’t take that approach?