Taking care of the fundamentals (also, I’m a Dad again)

Originally published on October 20, 2017 at www.linkedin.com.

A lot has happened in my life since my last post. The big news is that I had my 2nd child in mid-September. Like the birth of my first, the arrival of my second was miraculous. It was a simultaneous-explosion-of-the-head-and-heart event. Once again I found myself grateful beyond words, both for the medical profession in general and for the privilege of having access to such high quality care. I’m now the proud father of two daughters and I am happy to say that the muscle memory of late-night diaper changes has returned. This post-childbirth piece is dedicated to my family and to the MBA students at Stern, with whom I now feel an even closer sense of kinship based on everything we have to juggle in our day-to-day lives. My goal here is to convey some words of wisdom to all of my readers who are busy juggling life commitments, whatever they might be.

A few weeks before I became a Dad again, I had the chance to see Peter Henry deliver closing remarks at LAUNCH — our orientation program for full-time MBA students-for the 7th and final time as Dean. In his remarks, Dean Henry likened LAUNCH to the experience of standing at the top of a mountain and enjoying the view of everything accomplished in the past-degrees completed, careers launched, risks taken-and everything envisioned in the future (i.e., the promise of the Stern MBA). But the beginning of the academic semester, Dean Henry explained, is like descending to the valley: that is when the real work begins. If you want the MBA experience to be successful, he said, you have to roll up your sleeves and do the hard work; you have to master the fundamentals.

So much of what Dean Henry does and says reminds me of the great teachers who work at the high school I was fortunate to attend — a Quaker friends school in the suburbs of Philadelphia. The lesson inherent in his mountain-to-the-valley parable is strikingly similar to one of the core lessons imparted by my high school soccer coach, who led our talent-deprived (looking at myself here), overachieving team to a league championship during my senior year. Following the win, we all got special jackets with our names embroidered on the front. Mine came back misspelled “Kingman.” Those were the good days. Anyway, my coach’s lesson was simple: there are no shortcuts to success.

It may be a big conceptual leap to connect the worlds of high school soccer, graduate business education, and parenthood, but I feel strongly that the take no shortcuts/master the fundamentals axioms are relevant to all three. During a busy fall season, full of deadlines and deliverables, fundamentals are our failsafe. Here are some of the important ones that come to mind:

1. Pay attention to relationships. When you’re busy or stressed, don’t big-time (another Dean Henry-ism; roughly translates to ignore or dismiss) the important people in your life. Actually, don’t big-time anyone. But be sure to build in time to check in with your family, friends, and classmates to find out how they are doing. Remember: you are not the only one who is feeling stressed and overwhelmed. By turning your attention outward and focusing on others, you will find that your own stress begins to dissipate.
2. Make a plan and stick to it. If you commit to something, follow through and do it. But more importantly, don’t commit to something unless you can and will be able to follow through. We all slip up at times and put too much on our plate, but learning to say no is just as important as always saying yes.
3. Celebrate the small wins throughout your day. I am sitting on a train moving at approximately 70 miles per hour on a straight line through one of the most densely populated parts of the United States. I am typing this post on a laptop computer that is the product of incomprehensible human ingenuity. When I get home, I will receive a bearhug from a toddler whose bright eyes have the power to recharge my soul.

And then I will change another diaper.

As always, I hope you enjoyed reading and I welcome your comments.