The importance of asking for help
Originally published on August 9, 2017 at www.linkedin.com.
For this week’s article, I want to focus on a topic that may seem obvious coming from a career coach: the importance of asking for help. This is somewhat of a meta-topic this week, as I have benefited in recent days from asking colleagues and loved ones for help providing me with their feedback on these articles.
But this is not about me. It’s about how you can benefit from asking for help, regardless of where you are in your career. In my experience, too many people are afraid to ask others for help, and not just in the professional sphere — their fear extends to the personal realm as well. This is because asking for help entails asking some version of what is perceived to be a YES / NO question. So, for every question that you ask, the answer could be some version of NO (super scary). Some examples:
Will you go out with me? In dating, the prospect of rejection is often enough to prevent you from asking in the first place.
Will you read this article I drafted and tell me what you think? The answer to this question is probably not going to be a flat NO, but the hidden question in the back of your mind is Do you like my article? And what if the answer to that hidden question is no? How fast can you delete the article and pretend it never happened? In truth, we all have room for improvement. When asking for feedback, don’t let your ego stand in the way of personal growth. If someone doesn’t love your [article/resume/cover letter/painting], they will usually be kind enough to give you constructive feedback, and your work will be better for it.
Can you introduce me to [person] at [company I am interested in]? Far too many of the MBA students I work with are reluctant to ask for introductions, because the hidden question here (in the dark recesses of one’s subconscious) is Do you like me/trust me enough to make an introduction? In reality, most people do want to help you, and the ratio of [effort for them]:[value to you] is pretty low. Particularly when you bring humanity to the process, as discussed in last week’s article, you will find many champions — regardless of whether or not those champions consider you to be a friend.
Can you offer any flexibility in the base salary? At first glance, this might not seem like a request for help, but in some sense it is. You are asking for someone’s help in making a job offer more appealing to you. Here again, too many people are initially reluctant to negotiate job offers, either because they worry that they will be perceived as overreaching or because (as a result of this) they are afraid the offer will be pulled out from under them. Unfortunately, there is often something more sinister going on: they feel they are undeserving of higher compensation. Offer negotiation is a topic for a future post, but the bottom line is: never assume that the answer to the hidden question Do you value me enough as a candidate to make me a better offer? is going to be no.
These are just a few examples, but hopefully you get the idea. If you don’t ask for something, you won’t get it. Everyone knows the hackneyed Wayne Gretzky quote: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Or, as our MBA Admissions team likes to say: “The only way to guarantee you’ll get rejected is if you don’t apply.” This may seem dubious, but when I was playing high school sports and struggling with confidence, a classmate’s dad used that Gretzky quote on me one day and it stuck. True story. And I’m not even really an ice hockey fan.
Wherever you are in your career, I strongly recommend that you ask for more help along the way. You’ll hear NO a lot less frequently than you think, and when the answer is YES, the impact on your life could be huge.
Comments and thoughts/likes/shares are welcome.
