Church Wedding: Christian Obligation or Just Another Option?
As someone who was brought up in the Catholic tradition, I got to witness firsthand how elevated the church’s view on marriage is. Matrimony is so sacred that it is listed as one of the seven sacraments of the Catholic Church.
I recall how at my former parish, the clergy would regularly call on couples living together (many of whom had been wedded outside the church and even had children together, who were members of our parish) to ensure that they register for a church wedding. According to the clergy, the couples had to be wedded in the Catholic Church and have their union blessed by a Priest, before they could be legitimately recognized as husband and wife both by the Church and in the eyes of God. The parish even began organizing annual group weddings at a subsidized rate to make it easier for parishioners who otherwise may not be able to afford the cost of organizing a wedding on their own.
Now, I realize that there are couples who live and have children together without being married in any way, shape or form, and that practice is definitely not in keeping with biblical precedent and as such, the Christian Church in general (whether Catholic, Orthodox or Protestant) is justified in frowning upon such practice. However, it shouldn’t be the same for couples who have been traditionally wedded. By traditionally wedded, I mean, an agreement has been reached by the couple and the bride price has been paid to the father of the bride by the groom. That, according to scripture, is what makes a marital union legitimate and binding. Any festivity that is held to commemorate the occasion is nothing more than a bonus.
What I have just explained is essentially the biblical description of marriage but oddly enough, that is not the deposition of the modern Church – certainly not the one I used to attend. I recall one particular Reverend Father in my former Parish who would usually refer to couples living together without being wedded in the church as fornicators. To him, it didn’t matter whether they had been traditionally wedded, as long as they had not been wedded by the church, their union is one of sexual immorality. Even a court wedding was considered irrelevant; it had to be done by the Church. That is the way only way the union can be blessed and recognized as legitimate by the Church.
As at that period, I had always thought that getting married in the church was the proper Christian thing to do. Of course, my disposition wasn’t based on anything I had read from Scripture at the time. I just assumed like many other churchgoers that since it was something the Church took very seriously, it had to be a biblical mandate for believers.
That was the position I held until I was challenged for the first time (by another Christian who had told me that he had no intention of having a Church wedding) to provide scriptural backing for my position. I remember going home and scouring the Bible from cover to cover and couldn’t find even a single verse implying that Christians ought to be wedded in the Church. If Church wedding isn’t a biblical mandate, then where did the tradition come from? I thought to myself. It was from that moment that I began to study the history of Church weddings and how they came to be widely accepted as the norm within Christendom.
One of the first things I learnt, and perhaps the first thing worthy of note, is that every ancient culture had its way of conducting marriage ceremonies. However, for this article, I will be touching on ancient Jewish culture because that is where Christianity has its roots.
In ancient Jewish setting, marriage ceremonies were held at either the home of the bride or groom (depending on which family could afford the cost of hosting the ceremony). This remained the standard practice during the time of Christ (John 2:1–12) and it would be many centuries before we would start seeing ceremonies being held in synagogues. The primary reason for that was to avoid the potential awkwardness of both families not being able to host a ceremony. It is also worth noting that there was nothing like Christianity or the Christian Church until after the death of Christ and their isn’t any record of a Church wedding in any of the apostolic writings.
The Christian church’s involvement in marriage developed over time. Christianity was birthed (30 AD-200 AD) in the context of the Roman empire, with Judaism in its roots. Around that time, marriage had very little to do with religion. While Jesus, Paul and other New Testament writers spoke about marriage and instruct husbands and wives on how to conduct themselves in marriage, there is no biblical tradition that ties weddings to a church ceremony.
It wasn’t until ten centuries later – specifically, the year 1164, that the Catholic Church established marriage as a sacrament. Once this happened, the involvement of clergy expanded. It was at this point that the conferment of marital blessings moved from the parents to the clergymen. The Catholic church began to teach extensively on the necessity of receiving sacraments such as baptism and communion before one can be wedded in the church. Marriage became a cultural/ religious initiation rite, and the Church became the expected place for weddings in the West.
Subsequent global colonial influence ensured that other parts of the world (including Africa) followed suit, and today, Church weddings have come to be norm in many parts of the world. In fact, as I pointed out earlier, many professing Christians believe that if a couple does not wed in the Church, there marriage is illegitimate.
Based on my study, I have come to reject the idea that a Church wedding is necessary for one’s marriage to be recognized as legitimate in the eyes of God and man. My current position is that as long as there is an agreement between the couple and ideally, parental consent from both camps, that marriage is legal and binding in the sight of God and man.
Now, does that mean I am anti-church wedding or that church wedding is in and of itself wrong? Of course not! But it certainly doesn’t mean I am pro-church wedding or that church weddings are right, either. We should realize that marriage is, first and foremost, a family endeavour before it is a societal or religious endeavour. The way I see it, if you agree with your partner to have a Church wedding and you can comfortably afford all the baggage that comes with a Church wedding, you should go ahead and have one; it is by no means a sin. But do not think that is going to make you a better Christian or that your marriage is any more legitimate than that of those who have opted for a court wedding or those that have taken the traditional route. There is not a single verse in the Bible that hints at that being the case.
Personally, I think a church wedding is a good option for Christian couples, but that is about all it should be – an option. Contrary to what has now become the prevailing view among Christians, the notion of church wedding has no scriptural auspices and therefore it is unbiblical to regard it as obligatory for believers. I especially find the idea of referring to married couples as fornicators simply because they chose not to have a church wedding, to be an act of slander borne out of either ignorance or outright wickedness.
While there are numerous biblical injunctions for what a Christian marriage should look like (Genesis 2:24, Hebrew 13:4, 1 Corinthians 7:1–40, 2 Corinthians 6:14, Ephesians 5:22–23), there isn’t a single biblical injunction for a “Church wedding” and thus, there can be no scriptural justification for ostracizing couples in the Christian community who for one reason or the other, are not wedded in the church, so long as they have been traditionally wedded by their families/kinsmen.
Churches can recommend that members tie the knot in the church, as marriage isn’t exactly something that should be done in secrecy and the church is in essence, an extended family, but when they insist that a couple must have a church wedding for their union to be valid in the eyes of God and man, they are only complicating a process that the God they profess to worship had designed to be simple.
