Do i listen truly ?
What is wrong with me? I thought! Well…… i guess everything! It takes less than a second to loose my balance when i see Purvi(2) cry or Samu(4) snatch something around! It is simply not in my scheme of things! Darn selfish! Its takes less than minute to see my failure. Things escalate in the evenings …too many objects, people, views, talks, gadjets, toys, cries, adult threats, all of them brewing unpleasant energies…..its time to go out for a walk. I get caught before I even want to watch, listen and get aware of the situation and reflect.
I am learning to grow with my kids. I hardly understand them. I dont think anyone does. I just have to be with them full time! Only this works!. I have to be in the moment. Any compromise leads to an unplesant situation. I avoid my ideas, my emotions and try to focus more on being aware and perceptive to them. Any other trick fails.
It is challenging to rip my ego, identity, stand naked listening to things they share, i hear whispers of fascinating stories from them. Like…Samus idea of a temple, or purvis calling me Raja because i call her Rani. Hilarious it gets but now i am listening.
Avoid your ideas, listen to theirs !
I can sense feeling stuck in the world of my ideas. First thing is to drop yours! I know its hard but even if you are able to watch yourself getting stuck with your idea is a good start.
Add to their ideas
Simply appreciate and respect truly the beauty of their imagination and participate in it. I get atleast 20–30 chances a day to get into their world of fantasy. Its always fantasy!. I try to add on to their story and see what happens. Yesterday Samu was in a mood to sing like my sister. He created an atmosphere to sing by adding objects just like what my sister does. I particpated as a listerner. So the harmony prevailed!
Make them feel you are there
They feel good if they know that you are truly participating in their fantasy world. They will invite you further deeper into things they are learning.
Stop showing your reactive emotions
They can pick this up very fast! This creates negative energies anyway. Most often kids are victims of adult emotional suffering. I feel responsible not to throw out my weakness on to them. I try hard but sometimes its simply difficult.
Do not incentivize
This never helps! I have tried a couple of times when i have very little time to listen and incentives do not help. It creates superficial expectations that get exponential over time.
Its always welcome