Love is…. Hard bloody work.
All adults have baggage of one kind or another and like u say after that honeymoon phase, reality sets in.
I think the key is being honest and open about any shit you have that you are working on, how it may affect you and how a loving partner can help you work on it is key.
The lock is that if a partner loves you not only will they also be honest with their issues, but you both respect those issues and feelings/fears/triggers of the other person and at the VERY least take it in enough to do one simple thing… Not say/do things that will reinforce or add to those issues.
You have to work on things alone, a loving partner, like you say can help but can’t just fix it. However, a loving partner will not add to issues, amplify them or do the exact thing you tell them is the worst thing they can do…. Or infact just anything other than try to be understanding and try to do what you were open and honest enough to tell them would help.
Love will not belittle and or add to your issues, love is hard work, respect and being willing to help eachother when/if you can. Love, works together and goes both ways.