An Unexpected Partnership and How it Rocked My World (in a good way)
I am a true believer in the power of accountability partnerships to change lives. Two years ago I joined an online course to learn and practice healthy habits and self-care. Pairing up with accountability partner was strongly recommended because it’s a proven strategy for habit change. I trusted that working with a partner would help me stick to my weekly small habit change goals much easier than if I tried to do it all on my own.
Little did I know that my accountability partnership would profoundly change my experience in that online course, and the next steps that would follow. Our partnership blossomed as we studied together to become certified Yoga Health Coaches, meeting weekly to support each other on our personal and business goals. Our initial 10-week commitment turned out to be a deep friendship that has become a central relationship in my personal and professional life. Together, we now co-lead a self-care course based on the daily habits of Ayurveda and the proven science of behavior change.
When I committed to an accountability partnership, I never expected to meet my new BFF (nor is it a requirement of a successful accountability relationship — we just lucked out to get accountability and more). Our partnership was meant simply be a helpful support as we worked on our self-care habits and personal goals. To do this, we followed all the best practices and created a structured approach to our partnership. We:
- Set a time to meet — same day, same time — every week.
- Rescheduled instead of canceled when conflicts occasionally came up.
- Keep notes in a Google Doc, with the same agenda each week.
Following this structure, we now have twenty-four months (and counting) of evidence of our commitment, progress, and accomplishments. Having an agreed-upon structure allows us to both show up and drop into our work together without disorganization or distraction. We use our time wisely, and get a lot done during our time together.
In addition to keeping notes in a shared document, we use other technology to support our partnership. We make most of our weekly calls on Skype, so we can “be together,” face to face. In between our weekly meetings, we stay in touch using text messages and the Marco Polo app. Marco Polo lets us send video messages — often easier than typing an update on our phones and almost always more fun (especially if you use the voice filters to sound macho or robotic!)
The Truth About Accountability
Looking back on what my accountability partner and I have accomplished together, I know these things to be true:
- Working alongside another person who has goals like mine or is on a similar growth path is critical for my success. I am an ambitious, smart, and motivated person. And yet, I know I accomplished more with a partner than I would on my own. My partner would say the same about her experiences (I know because I asked her).
- Anyone can be an accountability partner, but finding the right “fit” in terms of personality, expectations, level of commitment takes a partnership from good to great. My partner and I are perfect for each other, and it doesn’t hurt that we are both “Obligers” who naturally respond to external accountability. I wrote about about tendencies and accountability here.
- Showing up for my partner each week (and often daily) is a lesson in giving and receiving. What I give to her comes back to me. The more I give, the more present I am, the more deeply I listen, the more I receive those gifts in return.
- She helps me see myself better — more clearly. Speaking to my accountability partner about my progress, problems, and plans and then hearing her feedback almost always gives me a new perspective and enriches my understanding of myself. She’s a mirror for me, but even better, because she reflects back to me more than I can see myself.
Make Accountability Work For You
I am a torch-bearer for accountability partnerships. It’s foundational to the coaching work I offer to busy, working moms who have a ton on their plates. Some coaching clients initially resist pairing up in accountability partnerships. Many have had negative experiences with being “held accountable” for their actions in other situations (think: an overbearing parent or boss laying down the law). Often these women have had external expectations from others placed on them. This type of accountability can feel harsh, scary, and punitive. I help my coaching clients embrace accountability from their own desire to change rather than coming from an external authority.
If you feel that accountability is not for you, let’s change this outdated belief. Let your own desire and commitment to yourself lead you to an accountability partnership. When your goals and expectations are coming from your deep desire to change and evolve, accountability can supercharge your progress. One of my course members who initially resisted being part of an accountability partnership changed her mind after giving it a try. She wanted to reduce her alcohol consumption. With that clear goal, we identified a habit-based accountability solution for her to try. When she felt the urge to have more to drink, she would text her accountability partner instead. The strategy worked — she dramatically reduced her evening wine habit and reaped the benefits of better sleep and a clearer mind.
Three Steps to Creating a Strong Accountability Partnership
If you’re ready to have an accountability partner that will help you reach your goals, follow these steps to establishing a strong partnership.
- Take time to define what you are looking for in a partner. Ask yourself: What goal(s) do I need help to achieve? How often do I want to check in and in what format (e.g. in person, by phone, via text or email)? What can I give to the relationship to support my partner’s evolution?
- Reach out to your community and ask for the support of an accountability partner. Have a conversation to discuss your needs, expectations, and agreements. Make sure you are clear about the kind of feedback you want to receive when you do/don’t meet your goal. Set a timeline for your partnership and make a plan for what you will do at the end of that time. Read my blog about making the most of your accountability partnership.
- Support, encourage, and stick to your commitment to the partnership. Be honest, and communicate with candor and care. Speak up if you want to alter your agreement. At the end of your agreed upon time, decide if it is time to end this partnership, or if you want to re-up your agreement.
Research on accountability partnerships has shown 70% of people who check in weekly with a friend meet their goals (or make significantly more progress than those who do not have a partner). You’ll be more likely to follow through on your goals when:
- Accountability is used to support the personal goals you set for yourself;
- You set up your partnership consciously, with clear expectations for how and when you will interact with your partner, and
- A supportive and encouraging partner is equally committed to your success — and hers.
Co-Creating the Life You Want to Be Living
Accountability partnerships are an excellent method for realizing the dreams and goals you have for your life. As your partner holds you to your goals, you you’ll find you’re more consistently choosing actions that bring you closer to the results you desire. In return, you offer the same to your partner, creating an environment of mutual support and achievement.
Are you ready to raise the bar on your life? Ready to test the belief that an accountability partner can help you reach your potential? Use the tips and advice above to find and create a strong accountability partner. And please tell me about your experience in the comments below.
