Christiana, thanks so much for your honesty in sharing your story. In case your therapist or others haven’t mentioned it, please consider finding Al-Anon meetings near you — they’re support groups for people impacted by alcoholism. I went into Al-Anon trying to “fix” yet another broken man in my life, and discovered it started with me. That how I approached life problems from growing up in dysfunction were holding me back from…just about everything in life. Not only relationships, but holding me back from joy, fulfilling work, creativity. It’s both humbling and empowering to be surrounded by smart, kind people just like you who keep repeating the patterns they learned surviving addiction, and are working to fix them.
Best to you.