An Open Letter to my Long-term now Ex-Girlfriend on her Wedding Day
Even though the odds of you reading this are very low, just as you get married to another man, this is a final departing open-letter to you.
A recap if you’ve managed erasing me completely, i am your last and longest lasting boyfriend until we pulled the plug to our 5 year long stint of a committed relationship 7 months back.I still freak out thinking we were supposed to be engaged this previous December!
Like most couples, I (we) never expected a day would come where you’d be marrying someone else. And believe me, i’m absolutely stoked about it! You wanted it so much, all the calmness and stillness that comes with marriage, you sought it for so long; the identity of being someone’s wife, a woman, and not a girl.
Unfortunately I couldn’t be the one who’d make that happen for you. I tried girl. I tried. I tried very very hard. With every breath of mine, I gave in to everything that was in my capacity to give. Blinded in a rage of love, I gave in and didn’t care about any consequences that’d follow with a break-up. No regrets at that, you were my first love and first otherwise too in more than one way. Love at primary just didn’t seem enough to carry us through. I lost out on resources to provide, and you lost out on patience.
“It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all” (Lord Alfred Tennyson) I guess.
Us parting ways today seems to have been inevitable. We started out young, with wild and crazy dreams, and lots of courage to make an attempt create a future together.
We tried to make it happen, but like they say “Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it is better to leave them broken than hurt yourself put it back together”. I think we both can agree that I was the one rooting for fixing the glass, and sadly I bled most because of it.
You had long-time ongoing issues with my friends and family, and I had none on my side on the day we gave ourselves up. The icing of it all was when your mother eventually termed our relationship as “cancerous”. And I ever since haven’t been able to find an adjective that better defined our time. It wasn’t about some sort of physical pain that we particularly experienced, but instead a faulty organ between us that was failing, and deteriorating with each living day bringing us closer to death.
I thought i’d lose faith in love. But I have instead made peace with the theory that when things aren’t going right, breaking up liberates both involved in the relationship and gives us space and freedom to seek a more suited partner for our future and hopefully attain happiness.
Although we’ve broken up multiple times before too, sometimes lasting over 45 days, the only thing that separated this final break-up and the other then seemingly final break-up was my love for you to move on to better shores.
I know it sounds too idealistic, but I truly loved you enough to let you go for your own better.
Back then, I could and would adjust myself through with you and your demands at ease. I was low on my self-esteem and self-worth then, and didn’t have clear boundaries to define what I truly wanted from life. All I was clear about was you and the idea of an emotion-driven love than a practical one.
I’m smarter now though. I now objectively judge girls on their capacity to give-in and accept. It’s not Crazy, Stupid, Love anymore, and it can never be that way again.
We didn’t have any form of closure. And it didn’t even matter to me anymore. I then built a life for myself in order to get out of yours, and not because I was particularly seeking something else. And yes, its been great!
Irregardless of how bad I bled, I am proud that I let our break up go through just the way you wanted it — maintaining absolutely no contact. Took it “like a man”, and I’m glad it resulted in you moving on rather quick to another man.
Well, gratefully my friends and family were amazing. You questioned their friendship and love for me during our time, but they showed immense care and aided me heal as swiftly as possible.
Thankfully, I have healed off most of my wounds. There are some losses that will take couple of years to resolve (and you well know of them), but I am on course to clear off every form of loss that I occurred through our relationship and let remain only the positives I gained from my being with you.
If there is someone who can pull all of this off and yet manage hustling a great fucking life, that person is most-definitely me!
I have learnt the lessons you always wanted to teach me. But hopefully you don’t give much grief to Mr.A the way you gave me. Life is too short to ignore “Live, Love, Laugh”. Dominance, Over-possessiveness, Control are things of the past. It’s 2015. Your words of “if he loves me enough, which he will, he will change for me” is prehistoric.
This generation of love and dating can’t be better described than by Jim Rohn — “I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me”.
I am going out with my friends tonight for drinks, and unlike the early days after our break-up, today I drink in joy and celebration!
I hope you have found in your fiancee what you seek most in love and life — you deserve it!
With great love,