(115) The Ten Stages of Being Criticized
1. They’re right. They’re totally right. It’s so obvious how right they are. God I’m so fucking useless and stupid. Ugh me with my anti-learning. Why must I always be the striving equivalent of Ralph from the Simpsons. Bleh.
2. You know what though, I like my (whatever it is that is being criticized). I like it as is. I stand behind my choices. I’m an adult. I. am. an. adult. I am educated. I decided. My choices count.
3. FUCK that person for deigning to give me their royal two cents after I asked for advice and needed help and basically begged them to. FUCK THEM.
4. It’s weird, but maybe their thing about sentences have to have verbs wasn’t actually a euphemism for me fondling emu balls in my spare time. Like maybe when they said just double check with a metronome, it wasn’t code for ‘die in a vat of hydrofluoric acid but first do please let go of the emus.’
5. So. It’s possible that most sentences do require verbs. Oh. Also I guess rhythm isn’t a sliding scale. Like apparently numbers can be imaginary but a quarter note has to be a distinct length. Tell me how fucked that logic is. But whatever. Fine.
6. How can I make it look like I just stumbled onto this revelation all on my own. Despite them actually saying these things to me, how can this still be my very own idea? Possibly I will have to invoke past traumas and a couple of cute dog pics and maybe mention that these revelations only came to me after months of weeping into my armpit.
7. I mean but also they were right. Right?
8. Like facts are facts and one of them is that they were right.
9. And based on facts, I’m happier now than I was because things are better. So.
10. It’s so great to be so good at taking criticism! I’m such an adult. Look at this abundance of maturity just streaming from my aura. Look at it.