(131) When Inevitability Changes

The dense pendulum of work swings more heavily for orchestra musicians during ‘the season’, which is just fancy for ‘probably not playing with main gig orchestra in the summer’. As a freelancer in a small(er) city, I have grown accustomed to the seasonal gauntlet and the revving of work engines during specific times of the year.

Part of me loves the drive and the focus I must drag with me for fifteen hours a day on endless repeat until it isn’t holiday season anymore or until spring has ended. I love flinging myself into different programs, and using the fire that gets me to learn two hundred pages of rep in a few days to also make my metaphors in lessons sizzle a little more pointedly. I love being wretchedly busy because the challenge of getting all my tasks done well makes me remember to believe in myself more readily.

An entirely different pendulum, this year, this season, pushes me. It’s less dense but broader, and it’s a shiny silver instead of a matte slate gray. It oscillates with different intent than its heavier, older brother, and the waves are much quicker because each one is shorter. I’m overwhelmed because I’m being pushed down paths I’ve never seen before, and into situations I don’t even understand, much less know how to handle. But, I think there is more grit under my boots or maybe that pendulum is a softer metal, because, I’m still standing.

The pendulum is here, and it swings as it does, but I am still standing.