(156) Weekend Trip Summary

It’s nearly 2am east coast time, apparently flying across the country is both the time and emotional equivalent of seventeen trash riddled possum dongs in a shrunken tube sock, and ahahaha oh ok time to go to work in five minutes oh.

So, my summary of the trip to Cali will be my Facebook statuses. They’re not all trifling. Maybe. Whatever it’s 2am.

(5am flight)
There is nothing annoying me in this airport right now. Who even am I. Send help.

Dear Self Appointed Line Sergeants:
Here is a gold star for your efforts.
Just kidding that’s a moist turd.
-kitch
Ps I retract my previous status

Do you ever gaze down at the globe, and fall into the exact breadth of the lakes, the oceans, the luscious intricate greens, the perpetually perfect distance from earth to atmosphere’s edge? Do you ever peer and fall into it, only to be struck flat by the immense luck, the utterly perfect lucky stumble of our earth, and us on it?

There’s no decent coffee in concourse B. Alert. There’s a mammoth fire in concourse B I mean something something omg pls put coffee in front of me.

Nothing like a crowded airplane and a seat next to Olympic Chit Chat 2016 to remind me that I am not, in fact, an extrovert.

Once upon a time I have been awake for a jillion hours hey look sushi hi ok shhhhh I’m fine it’s ok

(Halmonee, mom, and me in halmonee’s bedroom, chatting.)
Me (pls remember I’m on -7 sleep): Halmonee, your teeth are gorgeous!
Mom (guffaws): They’re fake!
Me (horrified)
Halmonee (furious): These are not fake! (Grins broadly at me and gestures for me to verify. As I lean in, she shoots her dentures at me, then collapses laughing onto the bed while I scream, claw my face, and crumple to the floor.)
❤ family ❤

The Chungs go to Costco. We all promptly disperse. We stumble into each other fifteen minutes later, scavenging the sample stations. We exchange tips on what’s good and then continue scavenging. There was no prior planning. Pure instinct. Genes. #family

Oh god oh god the Chungs are comparing modern and old hwatu cards and my uncle who says he’s awful at it is just casually shuffling the deck like he’s made of magic I feel unsafe goodbye monies byyyeeeee

We’ve been here a day, and stayed mostly in the house. We’re all in the living room and then a door somewhere opens and closes.
It’s the college exchange student that’s been in his room the whole time.
I’m relatively certain this is someone’s ‘based on a true story’ horror movie. K bye. Bye.

There is a running joke in our family that the Chung women are bald.
Mom: Ugh, there’s always a few hairs at the top of my head that stand straight up. UGH.
Me: Maybe they’re lonely.
Mom (waving two fingers where the hairs are standing up): Help help i have no friends!!

I definitely haven’t learned how to say ‘in a minute, I’m pooping’ in Korean bc reasons.

AHAHAHA my aunt just made my mom wear a hat for her walk bc she’s worried about sunburn. #dead

My eight month old cousin is an infinite amount of cute with all her exquisite facial expressions which is bad bc I will never discipline her. Nope. Not me. #TooAmazing #cannot #thisisKoreanAuntstatus

Halmonee just pretended I took all her money at Go Stop. Is this Korean gaslighting. This is not ok. I’m over here with -4 jillion dollars ok.

Oh good I get to be Saso Queen. That’s my favorite.

It has occurred to me that I could maybe write my blog post during the day or something.
??????

I keep trying to get a picture of the hills out here. I want to hold the way they roll, their suddenness, their brown and orange and gold defiance across a pristine sky, in my eyes forever.
But I’m in a car, so no.

When the walking shoes you researched make your feet bleed for three days straight and finally, despite your every cringe laden travel rule, you cave so thoroughly that you find yourself weeping in the middle of a Payless while holding one bloodied shoe and something that might be a pair of toms but it’s hard to tell because of all the flailing and desperation.

PSA
If the children’s choir at your aunt and uncle’s church performs in matching shirts that read ‘I ❤ GI’, don’t guess ‘god’s intestine’ bc you would be incorrect ok.

OH my uncle who trained everyone else (but has yet to join a game bc working late/missed them) just casually commented that I was right about a bunch of rules oops I should have won oops. OH. IT IS ON. I will now resume playing with a blowtorch in my left hand. It’s on. The end.

Oh ok my uncle is also a professional gambler. Oh. Ok. I’ll just sidle out this window with my hwatu cards and shhhhhh nope wasn’t here shhhhhh bye

Our dog sitter realized that the power might not come back on for a long time, so she took my insulin to her house, because they have a generator. No one asked her, our house hadn’t had power since yesterday, and she just went in there and took care of it. ❤

Lost mom in a Daiso. She will be remembered fondly.

Found mom gagging in the card aisle.
Me: Ma! You ok?
Mom: There’s glitter on this card, CS.

Me (to my cousin): Unni, you want some wine?
Unni: I love when you call me that. I feel like a real Unni.
❤

[47 statuses during the debate bc reasons. And by ‘reasons’ I mean ‘my last odds-defying strand of sanity required an emotional outlet’]

The exchange student just used the bathroom!!!

Let’s talk about how my mom’s side does religion. I’ve not done institutionalized religion in a long while. A lot of the examples of it have freaked me out and so, no.
My folks out here are Very Religious. They pray at every meal. There is much church, so piety, many devout.
Their prayers, their humility, gets woven into 15hr work days. Into giving and bending at every possible juncture. Into insisting that love and happiness rides higher than their personal discomfort. I watched them check their judgment at different lifestyles, I watched them love exactly what was offered. I watched them check those who bully, those who use their power to disdain and diminish others.
You know? Ok then. Whatever makes us love with our every fiber, our most fleeting second. Ok then. ❤

(In airport)
Me: These fucking shoes that I now have to carry around.
Mom: When I first saw those shoes, it made me angry.

(We get lost trying to find our gate after airport wines)
Mom: omg hurry they’re going to board any minute hurry hurry
Me: you know why it’s so quiet in this hallway? Bc everyone is already on board the flight. There’s no one left.
Mom (screams and takes off running down the hallway)

Everyone on that plane wanted babies. It’s too bad they were so picky bc I was spawning blowtorches the entire time. #ohwell

Ah Norfolk International. Where they get a carousel running to unload nonexistent baggage from an equally nonexistent flight while everyone else clusters around zero activity and despair.

HOME.
oh shit my blog post.