(36) Pulse

The sky is crying, and has been, on and off. And, as always, I embrace the tears, because sometimes they’re the only tangible evidence we have for our rage and suffering. Sometimes, our tears are nowhere near enough, but they are literally all we have.

Because, now is not the time to talk about gun laws. No no, bc freedoms. Let’s disregard the fallacy in ‘freedoms’ as they are understood and incorporated and maintained in this country. Sure. shhh. Let’s pretend ‘freedoms’. Let’s say that gun laws wouldn’t have helped because definitely the shooter wasn’t on a watch list, and he totally didn’t all casual style grab some guns the week before, and this law totally wouldn’t have helped NOPE. Even if we say that, now is clearly not the time to discuss gun laws, because, fuck, people, we’ve tried literally zero other things. And totally none of the zero things we’ve tried have worked. Let’s definitely not try some gun laws. Fuck no. 34 mass shootings in our current president’s run (from 2009–2016; I might have miscounted on the link; apologies. side note: even one is too many. the correct number isn’t one. it’s also not zero.) is far too little to call for anything as extremely unfair as legislation and more restrictive measures. If someone squirted toothpaste directly into their anus and then died of screaming, you wouldn’t ban toothpaste, would you. Why even warn that toothpaste doesn’t go in your anus unless you like screaming. That would be like warning that coffee is hot or like maybe demand that people wear a seatbelt, and clearly all of that is too fucking restrictive to be worth it. Be sensible.

Because, now is not the time to own the automatic bias regarding brown terrorists and white ones. Now is not the time to realize that our culture, our country, provides a foothold, no, builds the goddamn path, to the hierarchy of race, sexual orientation, gender, and class. Now is not the time to let our empathy and compassion take priority, when we could much more effectively rage against an entire religion and an entire race of people in order to feel not one drop safer.

Because, now is not the time to politicize a mass shooting. There are no politics involved. This has nothing to do with gun laws and sanctioned hate crimes and the dire importance of white freedoms. This has nothing to do with our leaders and our public officials, our members of congress who take money from the NRA (for our safeties onlies!!!!!!!). This has nothing to do with our citizens and our understanding of responsibility as such, namely that we, as citizens, should adhere to a group (community, even!!!) standard so that we don’t all devolve into a Lord of the Flies stockpot of flicked boogers, bitter jizz, and murder. It has nothing to do with acknowledging that yes, one ‘bad apple’ can indeed limit our ‘rights’, because we are one, and we share this community, and let’s all just refrain from anger shitting ourselves every time we confuse side eye with actual oppression. Nope, nothing to do with any of that.

Because, the sky cries and it is not untimely. Because, why shouldn’t we be better. Because, we are smart, and soft, and warm, and brilliant, and filled with love that has yet to be completely communicated. Because, a tragedy is nothing if not a moment of unadulterated hopelessness. And if all we are in the aftermath is despair’s reaffirmation, then why bother at all?