So I read this last night whilst stuck in a haze of fury re respecting an artist’s stage name or pen name, etc (separate entirely from this post; just my upset prevented me from commenting). Seriously, regardless of personal reasons behind using a pen name or not, people need to understand that not respecting the author’s chosen name, real or otherwise, is a breach in trust and power. What the actual hell.
That said, I think I feel similarly about word choice (swearing) as you do towards pseudonyms. I need to write my story, my voice. I can’t let other people’s preferences/comfort zones dictate too much about my output. It has to be me. Of course gender is involved. I used to have zero fear of using my real name, but experience with trolls and predators (everywhere online! horrendous towards women!) has encouraged me to treat my name (and the loved ones connected to it) more protectively. My space, my boundaries. (Side note: phone wanted ‘boyfriend berries’ for ‘boundaries’. Apt? I think yes.) But, I miss using my real name and feeling safe doing so! Blargh.