Dear John.
I know what you’re thinking, another romantic sob story about a breakup. You’d be wrong, but I’ll let you in on a secret-it’s a great story. Not because I’m writing it, but because the subject matter was something else, or rather, someone else.
My Uncle John was a great person, not one of those people who get remembered post mortem as “the greatest guy on earth” out of a feeling of required sentiment, but someone who genuinely cared about people to a degree that I’ve never seen. To a fault, he loved hard, and he cared more than anyone else I knew. Now as I sit here and look back, I realize how truly lucky I was to be one of his special people for the 30 years I had him.
This picture is a perfect example of John. He was always up for anything and his excitement was incredibly infectious. He lived life full throttle and he was the happiest when you were too.

Another favorite picture of John is this one, took at his Surf Slam event that he held every year at the Oregon Coast. Ever the joker, I rarely saw him without a huge smile on his face and with a laugh close behind. He told the best horrible jokes and I can still hear his laugh when I think about him. I think that will always makes me smile. Sometimes the jokes at my expense would annoy me, but now it’s what I miss the most. I’d give almost anything to hear one more crack about my driving. (For the record, I’m a good driver damn it — well, mostly)

This year without him has been so tough, but not in the ways that I had planned for in the weeks after he passed. The things that I thought would bother me the most aren’t the ones that really get me. It’s the realization that I could have visited Oregon more often, called or texted him a little more, and the words that I left unsaid. Don’t be me. Don’t let your tribe not know how you truly feel. I’m not the best person at telling people how I feel all the time when it comes to those I love. I’m a bit late here, but here goes nothing.
Dear John,
I sure miss you. I keep wishfully thinking that this is your greatest and best prank yet — and that you’re going to call or text me soon. I can’t bring myself to erase your name out of my phone, and it took me until last week to take you off as an emergency contact. It’s doing those things that make you being gone so final. It hurt.
I always knew you were proud of me, but I never told you exactly what your presence in my life meant to me. I’m sorry I never spoke the words. When everything fell apart in my life, you have always been there. To make me laugh, to help me, to remind me to keep moving, work hard and sometimes just to listen. You made me feel safe, loved, and always cared for. I knew I could always count on you. I rarely, if ever, trust anyone 100%, but I trusted you implicitly. You brought immeasurable joy to my life, and you really made me laugh. Sometimes your humor made me want to punch you, but I know it was 100% love. I still have that Rolling Stone magazine of Rick Ross on the cover that you so generously sent me, knowing he was the rapper I hate the most. I was getting all kinds of crazy mail during my divorce, and the laugh you gave me by sending me that magazine in a huge envelope was just as funny the day I got it as it is today.
I told you a few times when I was younger that I always wanted a little brother, and it was so badass that you had two sons. When my life was going crazy and I had nowhere to go for Thanksgiving, you always made sure I was invited down to the beach house for the holidays. Spending time with the boys when they were so little are some of my favorite memories. Little did I know, those holidays were laying the foundation for the most important relationship I have now. You married someone special, and I don’t mean normal special. She’s one of my best friends, and someone I look up to the most. You really out-kicked your coverage, dude. But then again, we joked about it and you knew it. You married the strongest, most resilient woman I know, and she’s doing such a kickass job of raising your kids. Added bonus, I have two more Aunties now, and they miss you just as much. I promise I’ll always keep your memory fresh, and the bad jokes going. You better be keeping up with Vox’s sniff and strolls up there too.
I want you to know how thankful I am for the love that you made me feel, sometimes you drove me nuts but I know without a shadow of a doubt that you really loved me. I love all of the holidays spent at the house, the soccer games, pizza runs, wing stops, Surf Slams, late night chats, muscle car talks, paint fume jokes, hilarious text messages, and the ever so often carefully curated yet equally hilarious snail mail you’d send me. I really miss the late night chats the most though, because the only person I know who sleeps less than me was you. Also, no one but you hated Magento as much as me. Don’t worry, I will forever call it Magneto and giggle as I think of you.
I’m trying really hard now to focus on the great memories we had, but sometimes the darkness sneaks in. I can’t fathom you won’t be there to chat with ever again, share a laugh with, cry with and I won’t be able to run my big decisions by you. Your boys will be in college sooner than later and we’ll miss you every step in between. I hope you’re proud of all of us, because it’s been a very long year without you. I’ve never missed anyone so much. Losing you has taught me that I need to be more vocal to those I love, take a little more time to myself and enjoy today because tomorrow isn’t promised. I promise I’ll think of you with a smile and work my absolute hardest to focus on the future.
Until I see you,
The Korexican