Everyone is toxic

As a person who has been swimming in the waters of self-development for the better part of a decade, I have come to realize that we are all toxic. I know, the word can cause spontaneous eye rolling and you might stop reading right here. That’s fine. I don’t even blame you at this point.

As a society, we have taken this word and turned it into the catalyst for the dreaded fate of those doomed to “cancellation” and public shame. We use it as a way to dismiss others, and justify removing people from our lives with wreckless abandon. And part of me is all for it! But, realistically, the potential for toxicity lives in all of us. A parasite of defensiveness and paranoia, our inner toxicity is merely a tool of misguided protection.

Part of living in an inherently unsafe social structure is being able to put on a persona of independence. These personas range in presentation, from angry and aloof, to welcoming and manipulative. We use them as a way to hold the world at arms length, so we can sus out the bad from the good.

Yet, we crave to live in a world of authenticity. This disconnect between yearning for reality and never feeling safe enough to be ourselves breeds toxicity. Of course it does! We act in opposition to what we want, and most of the time we don’t even realize it.

So next time you are called to bring up someones toxicity, remember, you have the potential for it as well. I challenge you to consider that the toxicity you view in others, is only glaringly obvious, because it could be your brand of toxicity as well. Obviously, this does not take into account the traumatized and/or abused person, who has been conditioned to track danger from very early on.

For all of us on this healing journey, this path of safe authenticity, I know it isn’t easy. I applaud you for your efforts in becoming yourself. Maybe being able to see the moments when we are what we hate will allow us to forgive ourselves for the choices we made when we had few options. Yes, we’re all toxic. And we are all beautiful. Growing. Evolving.