About Meaning, Belonging, Happiness and Death as an unusual reference

As I woke up from a not so easy night in an even harder emocional mood — a sort of an emotional hang over actually — I was thinking about my melancholy and the thoughts that occurred me the past evening and I came across some unusual and yet obvious — yes — conclusions:

1. Fear of Death may be an interesting way to measure happiness depth: I’ve realized that in my last reference of deep and hole happiness I’ve noticed this status by a funny peace feeling as I came across the possibility of being dead by any reasons and at any moment back then. Not that I wanted to be dead. Not even close to it. I wish to stay in that emocional state for ever. However, if death crossed my path back then, it felt like it wouldn’t be much of a problem. The idea of ending my path in that state came to me as a peaceful and grateful condition. In any other moment of my life the fear of death came — and comes — to me as fierce as it can get for the simple reason of “I don’t feel happy enough, I can’t die yet, there is a lot to accomplish”. But back then, it felt like I’ve found what I was looking for and the journey had finally reached it’s goal. And yet this feeling wasn’t that bad one as in the “Finding Nemo”’s — yes, the Pixar movie — ending when void took place after a goal accomplishment — the familiar “now what?” after getting what we seek (or think so). It was simply a state of completude. I remember finding myself usually saying the “this part of my life is called happiness” line and it was so fulfilling that there was no dept, no fear. If I would live like that forever, great! If that was the best life could get and I found life’s ending at that state, I couldn’t find a better way of ending a story. Life was hole and — therefore — death was no longer a problem.
2. How Happiness seems to be intimately attached to the sense of meaning and belonging: This idea came to me — organized to put into words here — a few minutes ago. I’m — again — in that life moment just after a great lost of sense and meaning, trying to find them again and rebuild myself. And these two aspects, meaning and belonging, seem to be present as a sine qua non condition for happiness to be established in a hole and deep way. It’s not just experiencing intense joy for a long time. It’s not enough. Joy is extremely transitory, volatile. It’s not structural. Happiness is a structural state and needs structural conditions. And I can’t find anything that plays better that role than the sense of meaning and belonging. To find ourselves really involved in something guiding sense and meaning in such a way that we feel ourselves part of something really relevant, meaningful. Than joy can come or go and happiness will still be there as an autonomous entity, not as something dependent on constant inputs of “good things”, but as the good thing that puts joy into stuff. Happiness becomes, then, not a thing, but a perspective. And we stop seeking joy to fill our everyday hollowness for it is a structural thing. Which can only be changed into something else by an structural approach.