I Want You For The Negative Reasons Too
Even when the reasons are negative, I still choose you.
I know I’ve told you countless times that I love you, that I want you, and that I want to live the good life with you by my side. I know we look forward to our modest wedding, the yearly anniversaries, the unending laughter, the vacations, documenting the kids' growth, the banter, watching each other grow, the spiritual development, and every other good thing. Yes, I still want all those good things.
But beyond these, I want you for the negative reasons too.
I want you to be my first point of contact after every shock and every loss, as no one is more fitting to see me in my most vulnerable state. I’ll probably always find it hard to cry in the presence of other people, but with you? I know I’ll let out a wail, with ease.
When I get sick, I want to feel loved — I want physical touch. I know that there isn’t going to be anywhere more comfortable to put my head, than your chest. Your hand running through my hair is healing, and I want to always be able to use that therapy. I want just you.
I could use you for my anger too. I used to think I’m fire when I’m angry — maybe I really am. But I’ve realised that your face is ice. When I hit those random moments of weakness and I get angry, I want my cure to be near — to see you smile is to have my heart melted. Nothing else comes close. For this reason, too, I never want to let you go.
People say I’ll change. Okay, maybe I won’t be able to help it. But I know nothing reminds a man of who he’s truly meant to be than the one who has the most pieces of him. So I know if it ever gets bad and I begin to lose myself, you’ll be both my compass and my path to my real destination. I’m certain that with you still in my life and supporting me, any change will be a good one — eventually.
They say you’ll change too. Nothing is supposed to be scarier than this, but no, I’m not afraid. Because even if I doubt I’m a patient person, when it comes to your matter, I’m not only patient, I’m a fighter too. I have the experience and I’m even better now — I’ll be patient when you go through the inevitable changes, and I’ll fight for our love and win again, and again.
All men must grieve. But the fortunate are those who have support systems. I know we won’t be able to prevent unfortunate events, but there’s not going to be a better cushion of the effects than you, My Love. I want to mourn every loss, chop every L, hit every rock bottom, record every failure, and start every journey from square 1 — only with you by my side. Every good thing is better with you, and every pain is manageable with you — this is a fact I should remind you of.
Even if I lose everything but still have you by my side, I know the feeling of loss will not be absolute. Because not only will I still have the most important prize — you — I’ll also be motivated to get back up, because no support will mean more to me than yours.
The point, My Love, is that when I consider every possible reality of humans and what may befall me, there’s no one more fitting to be in my life than you, and I doubt there’ll ever be. You’re perfect for me, not only for the good times but also for the bad ones.
And for that, I’ll always choose you. I promise.
