I’m afraid to feel left behind.

It’s a feeling I hear others talk about a lot.

This is a topic I’ve thought a lot about and will likely be a recurring one going forward for me until I get a better handle on it.

We’re conditioned to compare ourselves to our peers.

The easiest way to do that is to compare paychecks and reputation.

This can be depressing.

I can easily look up 100s if not thousands of people on the internet that are 27 and much more high profile than I am.

I can easily see around me in my daily interactions people my age who are in more high profile jobs.

I can easily see around me in my daily interactions people my age who are making more money than I am.

My natural reaction to this is to feel like a failure. To think that if only I had taken a more traditional path I too would have been making making more money by now.

Only once I’ve identified that, am I able to start the process of assessing what I actually care about.

I realize that much of success and reputation is a matter of being in the right place at the right time. A matter of luck.

I realize that if I had taken a more traditional path I would have been constantly miserable.

I realize that I don’t value traditional reputation and wealth.

I start to feel better about my choices.

But only a bit.

Next time I interact with an example of what could have been, it happens again. Although with a little less strength than before.

I tell myself that with time the feeling will go away.

^Day 141/90 290 words

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