I’m afraid to feel left behind.
It’s a feeling I hear others talk about a lot.
This is a topic I’ve thought a lot about and will likely be a recurring one going forward for me until I get a better handle on it.
We’re conditioned to compare ourselves to our peers.
The easiest way to do that is to compare paychecks and reputation.
This can be depressing.
I can easily look up 100s if not thousands of people on the internet that are 27 and much more high profile than I am.
I can easily see around me in my daily interactions people my age who are in more high profile jobs.
I can easily see around me in my daily interactions people my age who are making more money than I am.
My natural reaction to this is to feel like a failure. To think that if only I had taken a more traditional path I too would have been making making more money by now.
Only once I’ve identified that, am I able to start the process of assessing what I actually care about.
I realize that much of success and reputation is a matter of being in the right place at the right time. A matter of luck.
I realize that if I had taken a more traditional path I would have been constantly miserable.
I realize that I don’t value traditional reputation and wealth.
I start to feel better about my choices.
But only a bit.
Next time I interact with an example of what could have been, it happens again. Although with a little less strength than before.
I tell myself that with time the feeling will go away.
^Day 141/90 290 words
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