Writing it all out.

That’s how I do it. You?

I am supposed to be studying for finals for university, but then I found this site. Suddenly, I had an idea. Write about writing. Not tips about how to write(though I need those myself). Just plain writing.

…well not exactly, it’s more of expressing.

Source: Pixabay

I’m sure everyone has gone through the “angst” phase in their lives. That’s right. That stage in your life where you felt like you wanted to scream out anger or maybe cry your eyes out — overwhelmed by everyone’s expectations or just the situation itself. I did and still do. And I also tried to be put up a “I-have-my-life-together” façade when deep down I didn’t.

At age 16, I was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer. At first, I was fine. I told myself I am strong & I will get through it. Family and friends also offered love and support so I knew I was going to be fine. As months went by, there was little progress, but they were improvements nonetheless. So I kept going. However, side effects from the treatments were getting harsher up to the point that I could no longer attend school. I spent majority of my nights and days at the hospital more than my own house. My body just felt exhausted and fatigued all the time. But how exactly did I know that I was no longer fine? It was when I wanted to go back to the days when I simply lived my teenage life and getting that pimple off of my face was the biggest worry I had. It was when I watched my life drastically change from what it was a year ago. It was during that one moment when I realized that this is now my normal. I felt physically and emotionally drained.

Still, I had to put up a brave face not just for me but for my parents. I hated seeing them in distress. And of course, my stubborn self still wanted to keep up appearances. Until that one afternoon on my hospital bed. Waking up from my usual afternoon snooze, I looked around then my eyes started to well up. A tear just fell and before I knew it, I was crying. I just did, and I didn’t know why but I no longer resisted. Afterwards, I felt this heavy feeling in my chest literally lifted off as I breathe in air. That was when I realized — emotions are not meant to be suppressed; they are meant to be expressed.

So where does writing come in all of this? Well, I tried various forms of expression through drawing, crafts, song writing, journaling, and many more. Somehow, I found myself releasing stress with these activities, especially with writing. And I mean with pen and paper — not typing. No particular structure, no format or rules, just writing words that popped in my head. I started doing this whenever I felt like it. I would have random rants that are a sentence long and a month after I could have a 3-page analysis about my favorite TV show. It is not your usual everyday journal about how my day went. It contained whatever or whoever I wanted to think about and I wrote on it whenever I wanted. There were no rules. It’s as if I have a listening buddy who you can rant to about everything. Don’t get me wrong. I do have friends and family, but not everything can be shared. I loved writing because there was no one to judge me. I also enjoyed looking back at old entries, and it encourages me to see the progress I have made. Expressing my feelings did not make me feel weak, rather it made me feel even stronger. Resilient if you will. This personalized unstructured journal is essentially a reflection of who I was, who I am, and who I can become.

I have been doing this for about 2 years now. And I can say that it certainly helps get my frustrations out at the end of the day especially before bed. Don’t want to drag those stifled emotions into my dreams. On top of school, health, and just life issues in general, stress is inevitable. It is also unhealthy for your well-being. I am no medical professional, but I know for a fact that allowing your emotions to be express is huge load off your chest. It literally lets you breathe. So for the sake of your friends, family, and don’t forget, yourself: express those pent up frustrations. Maybe you can do it through sports, singing, talking, etc. Doesn’t matter as long as you express those feelings, and of course, you don’t cause harm to anyone else. Do what you like. Suppressed emotions will come out eventually so might as well let it out your way.

Well, I feel good writing this right before I go to sleep. Now if only every night is this peaceful — sigh. I might keep writing on this site because I feel all these positive vibes around me (as sappy as that sounds). Anyways, that is a little bit about me that I am (reluctantly) posting online because I am a little self-conscious introvert, but I just thought that there must be other people who can relate with me on this subject. Also maybe inspire someone? I hope so.