The Problem With Today’s Body Positivity

I’m not here to give you a sob story, but I have to explain why this message is so important to me.

Thanks to the Internet, we are constantly surrounded by talk of “body image,” and how to love yourself. We share photos of Marilyn Monroe, saying that her curves are beautiful. We see blogs about weight loss immediately flooded with women saying they are beautiful without losing weight. We are reminded that we can wear what we want no matter our body type and just to love ourselves even if we have a few extra pounds. In a society that thinks beauty is everything, it hurts to be called “fat”. We know this.

But no one ever considers how much it hurts to be called skinny.

Rewind to high school. It was my senior year, and I was drowning in college applications, scholarship options, IB final exams, and the stress of being number one in my graduating class. I was overwhelmed and I didn’t realize I was starting to lose weight, until one morning when I went downstairs for breakfast and was greeted by the bathroom scale.

I was dating a guy at the time that told me every single day that I was beautiful. I never thought I was ugly exactly, but he gave me a new confidence I didn’t even know I was missing. Eventually, I knew I was beautiful even without someone saying it. So imagine my surprise that morning when someone told me I was not.

Over the course of four months, I had lost ten pounds.

It was not intentional. Like I said, I didn’t even notice. I didn’t feel unhealthy, and I thought I looked just fine. I still wore the same size clothing. In fact, I never even went out of the healthy weight window for someone my age. But on my small frame, ten pounds made a huge difference. So, I was now facing a problem I never thought I’d have: I was ugly. Suddenly, words hurt me more than anything I had ever experienced: Thin. Boney. Pale. Skeletal. Anorexic.

There was a lot of fighting that year. I fought and I fought to prove I wasn’t anorexic (something I never thought I’d have to do—I love eating almost as much as I love living). I knew there had to be another issue with my health to cause this, but to adults, any form of denial is a confirmation of the problem. So, I just ate everything. I would eat and eat until I thought I was going to explode, and deal with terrible stomach aches all night. I would choose fatty foods that put on weight and avoided ordering salads. When I started college, I researched how to gain the freshman 15 and followed every step, hoping to surprise my parents by being beautiful again by Christmas.

I became obsessed with my weight, but not in the way psychologists typically study it.

I gained only 8 pounds, but thankfully, it was enough to make my parents proud of me again, and I stopped hearing the words “too thin.” I started exercising and eating healthy again, and I eventually stopped feeling sick all the time. And, for the most part, I’ve gotten over the emotional and mental stress my weight caused me. Happy ending.

Now, there’s one thing I left out, and it is the most important: I was never unhappy with my body. Not before I lost weight, not now, and not even when everyone told me I was too skinny. I liked my body.

I made myself sick trying to change my weight because someone else told me to, and that’s not fair.

People are finally standing up for themselves, reminding us how badly it hurts to be called fat. But I have not seen a single post reminding people that being called “too thin” hurts just as much.

No one should comment on anyone else’s weight. Ever. As long someone is healthy, they are allowed to look how they look, and they should love themselves. It’s hard for some people to lose weight. It’s hard for people to gain weight. I mean, I tried for two years of trying and I only gained 8 pounds. But that’s okay, because I’m healthy and I am beautiful.

I’m not looking for your sympathy or compliments. Like I said, I’m confident and I like how I look. I’m simply trying to make a point.

Being called “thin” can hurt just as much as being called “fat.”