How to quit a job well
“I’m not actively looking to leave my job. I left my previous employer (a well known company) six months ago after a pretty stressful run. I don’t think I did a great job of leaving that time. I got to the end of my rope and kind of flailed around looking for the next thing to solve my problems and jumped into a new role. I gave the usual two week notice but left feeling like I kind of messed up.
I’m not even taking calls from recruiters yet. I really do like my job, but I’m reflecting on what I could have done better and wondering how I can be more elegant in my next departure. How should I get ready to quit a job well?”
- Questioning quitting
Hi Quitting. Congrats on finding a job that helped you get out of a bad situation and making it through the learning curve. It’s great that you are reflecting on what went not-so-well last time around and thinking ahead to the future.
Number one piece of advice: don’t quit until you quit
Don’t quit before you quit. This was advice from Sheryl Sandberg. It’s the real deal. While you are still at your job — even if you’re thinking about another job, even if you are interviewing for another job, even if you are drafting your resignation letter — don’t quit until you actually quit. Keep doing your job and doing it well. You do not know what is going to happen next month and sometimes even next week. You are not an oracle.
I’ve seen it play out with people I coach so many times. They are thinking about moving or thinking about taking another job in three or six months. Sometime down the road. They want to move to a different part of the country. They get all bent around the axel about ‘should I tell my manager, should I start to pull back’. They turn down interesting projects because they ‘might not be here’ to finish them.
No. Bullshit, and no.
At the beginning of 2020 I went through my goal-setting process for the year. Hubby and I dreamt big and had a whole year full of things we were going to do and experience and be. On my list that year was ‘figure out health insurance’, ‘take a sabbatical’ and ‘become a certified coach’. If you asked me in February 2020 if I would still be employed at the same place in November 2020, I would have said ‘heck no — I have all this other awesome stuff to do’.
Lo and behold, the world changed around me and I was indeed at the same place at the end of the year. I would never have predicted that outcome. I was glad that I stayed mentally and physically in it until it was time to tap out much later in 2021.
You don’t know what is coming or how things might shift around you. Stay engaged and keep doing what you are doing until you have made the final decision and the wheels are in motion.
Once the wheels are moving
Know you will have to do the process stuff. Write the resignation letter, tell your manager, come up with a plan for how to tell your team. Draft comms if needed. Review the non-compete. Sign the paperwork. Tell a specific story if needed. Get walked out if needed.
Once you say ‘I’m out’ the ball is in their court, not yours. And that’s fine. If things get contentious, reach out to your HR rep and ask them to liaise. They will make sure all the right steps happen.
Some people get anxious about having the actual conversation with their manager. My personal take on this. Your manager does not expect you to retire in this role. They do not expect to retire in their role (probably). You telling them that you are taking a new job should not be a shock or a surprise. The timing might be unexpected, but the fact that your career is progressing shouldn’t be ground-breaking. This isn’t 1954 anymore. People do different things at different companies all the time.
PSA: as a manager, don’t be a jerk when someone tells you they are going to leave. They aren’t doing it to you or at you. They are choosing a thing that works for them and their family. It isn’t about you. Be gracious.
If you are the employee, two tips to have a smooth conversation with your manager.
- Give some indication ahead of time that you want to have a serious discussion. It can be as simple as a note a couple of hours before your next 1:1 that says ‘I’d like to talk about my career journey in our upcoming meeting’. Or a note that asks for 15 minutes to share some news about your future. The reason behind this is that you want your boss to be in the right frame of mind to receive the news. I promise they have had people leave before (and will again). Unless you work for a brand new manager they will know how to handle this news with grace. But — if they are planning to have a conversation about your ongoing projects and you spring this on them you likely won’t get their best self back.
- Frame the decision in terms of what you are moving towards vs. what you are leaving behind. This isn’t the time to discuss gripes with your current role or the stress that you are feeling. Instead, talk about how you will be learning and growing in the new role and the excitement you feel. Ultimately it’s about you and getting your needs met. The current company will find a way to get its needs met even when you are gone.
After you drop the news
You will probably have two weeks (or more) after you share the news to get things wrapped up and handed off. Use this time to leave your backfill in a good spot. Make it easy to find info on your work, and save whatever you need to save. Forward your contacts list.
Maintain the relationships that mattered to you. Say goodbye in person, let people know what you’re up to, and make plans to stay in touch (and actually do it). You may feel a sense of sadness for the relationships that are inevitably going to change after your departure. Honor those feelings and know that you can be bummed and at the same time know you are making the right move.
If you lead a team, empower your people all along so they will be ready to pick up the mantle when you move on. Talk to your reports during this transition period about how they can step into a bigger space after you go. Set them up for success.
For more senior folks — draft a succession plan and share it with the people managing your transition. This is a suggestion, they might choose differently and that’s okay. Not your problem anymore.
And finally, don’t badmouth the company or your colleagues on your way out, especially on social media.
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Have a career question for Kathryn? Drop me an email here
