Underestimate was just a statement…

So many facts about you always saying things i did wrong. I never heard you admitting the fact that many of them were nothing but the truth. I never understood why everytime i was the one feeling guilty about our fights. Frankly speaking these fights didn’t make sense, but each of us thought they were. Imagine fighting for not receiving a call in the morning, during lunchtime, and at night. Fighting for telling you that you are important and have to be someone because you are already one but more efforts is needed for your own good. Fighting for me being someone that you wish I wasn’t. Fighting for the fact that i have alot of friends. Fighting for me risking my life while staying up all night with my friends and going home alone by myself. Fights on fights!

Let’s say i am not the easiest person in the world but who said everything will be easy. Not even waking up at night for a short call will be easy. You think it is, until you start debating wether to stay in bed till you can’t take anymore or fighting your own sleep. Facing one thing will be your only option at that moment. You either face me and get an answer or keep searching for an answer on your own. That’s why i kept on telling you to look for another girl, hoping that she will give you what I didn’t or couldn’t have given you. Your replies have always been that i was enough for you and you don’t need anyone else. It actually contradicts how you see me and what you say. I never wanted to play hard, all i wanted was for us to work hard on our relationship. When i told you to get your self together I didn’t underestimate what you were doing for me or you as my lover.

It was just a statement just like any other. You shouldn’t have took it too personal. I was only trying to wake you up for you to see that you the world doesn’t stop running because you need more time to realise what is just infront of you. It was just for me to shook you up for you to leave your comfort zone and face the reality. Nothing from what I’ve just mentioned is a meaning of the word “Underestimate “.

Do i have to be the one to be blamed then just because I splitted the truth? Is it bad to say what pops out of your mind and yet is reality? Tell me what’s wrong with that?

Sacrificing your time for someone who doesn’t care to see that they worth even more for you is sad. When you spend your whole time humiliating yourself to save your relationship, when you keep waiting in vain for just a small sign. that says i still need you, when after giving so many hints for him to see that all these fights for you were just fights but didn’t mean you stopped loving the person. Sometimes i wonder what would be running into one’s head; like am i the only one suffering from this break-up?! In my case i think wondering isn’t an option, though it’s hard to not wonder what’s going on.

Promises we made were just put and locked in a closet. You didn’t need to promise me to bring the moon and stars for me. I wouldn’t have believed you will anyway! I simply asked you to love me and to make me not regret why i have given my heart to you. I never worried being with someone before but with you i kept on worrying because I wasn’t sure where we were heading. I am sorry but that wasn’t my fault! I wished things were different. You would have tried removing that bit of a doubt with actions and words.

When we kept on underestimating the extent of all those little fights we didn’t know what we were doing to ourselves. One fight added on an other was like a massive earthquake in our relationship. Because it was tearing us apart slowly by slowly. I thought it would have made you react but i was wrong. Kept believing you were bold enough to see this!I was wrong again! Did you want me to wait for you to do something that you weren’t capable to do or me to split it in your face? Obviously you would have said that you see everything, that i am underestimating your sights.

Probably this is just the beginning of my journey as whoever i am today without you. I will no longer be putting my nose in your personal life when I shouldn’t. But always know that everything i said wasn’t to underestimate you, that was just a damn statement bro!

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