You say gender is a structure of power. While it certainly is, it is also a person’s identity. I believe that given the right circumstances, a person who sees herself as female or having female traits, can happily express this femininity without society telling her she’s inferior. I don’t think gender can make people less equal: societies can. They can use gender, among others, to do so. You mention social classes and race: also good examples.

My point is, distinguishing factors become problematic when society divides people into groups based on them and an inequality between the groups forms. People should be free to say: “I am a man” without somebody else immediately telling them that that means they will exploit women. The same goes for people being free to identity as female without being told this means they are victims of men.

By telling people their gender identity or sex is linked to their place in society, you are caging them and perpetuating gender roles. Therefore, it is toxic to define gender as these roles: gender is something personal. We can only be equal if we stop telling women they are victims and stop telling men they are rapists.

That being said, we also need to be able to talk about the current problems around gender in many societies. The ugly truth is that yes, in many cases women are being oppressed. And men are also taken hostage by their gender roles. Let’s be clear when when taking about current issues and not confuse gender with the oppression associated with it.