On Work/Life Balance

Two days ago brought another major life event for me: I found my first strand of white hair. It just kinda shimmered at me as I was washing my face in the studio restroom, and even though hair wax had added shine to the rest of my hair, that particular strand stood out enough that I had to look closer. I was in a daze for a while after: my parents have had healthy black hair till their 40s, and I’d always had a certain pride in not having had white hair through college and after starting work.

The White Hair Incident (or WHI) couldn’t have come at a more opportune time. I’d been thinking about the topic of work/life balance for awhile. We’re four weeks into the semester, and the pace has picked up pretty quickly. Ask any of my classmates, and they’ll admit that they feel exhausted. I feel the busyness and tiredness too, and when there’s a lot on my plate I eat poorly (pun intended), sleep erratically, do not exercise, and as my Mom will tell you, I keep putting off my dental appointment. I’ve built up a reputation as a workhorse: staying at the studio so late that every security guard in the building knows me by sight because I’m there at 2am signing in the log book. And honestly, I see nothing wrong in the hours I keep: the excitement of creating a whole range of different things just keeps me going. But I do notice that I can get crabby when I start feeling too busy: I just want to focus on my work and not socialize.

This topic first started nagging at me when my roommate mentioned he’s moving out a few weeks ago. “Hey, at least we’ll now make a concerted effort to hang out,” he said, and in the past week I’ve felt guilty for not hanging out with him. I then thought about it again when some of my classmates mentioned how overwhelmed they felt from our classes. And then the WHI came along. So I’m writing this down.

At SVA IxD, we have monthly guest lecturers come in and impart their wisdom, and I am fortunate to get to interview some after they speak. Last night, Ellen Lupton spoke, and I got to ask her about something she once said:

You have to be prepared to give creative work 150%. I hear a lot of young people talking about life/work balance, which I think is great when you’re in your 30s. If you’re in your 20s and already talking about that, I don’t think you will achieve your goals. If you really want to build a powerful career, and make an impact, then you have to be prepared to put in blood, sweat, and tears. I don’t think everybody is willing to do that, but if you have the opportunity to do so, you should. That’s why many people go to graduate school in their late 20s: it forces them to devote intense time and focus to their work.

I asked Ellen about that, and she replied: Balance is overrated. When you get older, balance becomes an obligation: you need to balance time across your work, your kids, your parents, your friends. Your youth is when you get to not have those in the equation. It’s when you get to really pursue some things you love really deeply. You (young people in your 20s) are so lucky.

After the lecture, I watched as she got mobbed by a crowd of audience members, eager to get a quick word in with her, maybe to get her to be an advisor, or perhaps to ask her to look at something they wrote. She handled all of them calmly and patiently.

I see this same calmness amongst other successful people around me. They are way busier than most of us: they’re running around from meeting to event to meeting. Everywhere they go, everything is competing for their attention. They probably get cold emailed regularly. And yet I’m blown away by how they show no sign of impatience. The best of them respond to emails right away. For them, this overwhelmingness is a default stage. They embrace it, and thrive in it. They’ve moved past the phase of complaining about how busy and tired they are (or were they even in that zone at all?). Instead, and I’m just guessing here, the questions they ask are: how do I perform to the peak of my abilities in spite of this busy schedule?

So where does this leave me on the work-life debate? I don’t think I’ve got a definitive realization here. But I do know that right now I want to acquire that comfort with being overwhelmed, and see what I can make from this busyness. As Ellen Lupton said, this is why we’re in grad school. Let’s see where this mindset takes me; perhaps I’ll be reconsidering if a few more strands of white hair start showing up.