Path of apathy

I think of taking the path of apathy,

and the things I have experienced,

the steps I have taken because of him,

will all transform into distant memories.

I won’t feel as if 'owe' anything,

I won’t feel that I need him because only he can understand me,

but because I am used to him,

because he knows my vices and my virtues

knows the squeaky voices I make when I’m annoyed,

that I have to go for a walk every morning,

or that he knows about the collection of my books.

All that will disappear.

I don’t intend to be the master of love,

but it’s instrument.

Being with someone I really want to be,

not because convention obliges me to be.

That love I have for him,

I don’t want to give up on.

He is someone,

someone I want more than I want anyone,

someone I would do anything for,

someone who gets a hundred chances when I barely give others two.

With him I transform into a completely different version of myself.

We both need something of each other,

we keep trying to find something that isn’t there.

We keep holding on and hurting each other,

that’s what we are used to.

And people ask is there a breaking point?

And there are a lot of little moments.

But the truth is,

there isn’t a single moment where I had enough because,

with every one of those moments that should push him away from me,

I am like a moth to light,

attracted more towards him.

I think of taking the path of apathy,

wondering if it’ll free my soul or will be caught in the web of perpetual damage.

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