Co-habitation Guide for The Depressed Woman — Chapter I

This guide will save your life, your relationship, and perhaps even your sanity. If you can follow diligently its simple step-by-step rules, you won’t have to be afraid of living alone ever again.

Cry in the Bathroom: You partner deserves to see you smiling, and happy. Even if you cannot help looking sad and ghoulish, tottering about the house, sitting on the couch, dealing with your depression— at least have the decency to not start bawling in front of him. Your crying makes him extremely uncomfortable, so listen to him and “go do it elsewhere if you must”.

Don’t Bring Up Your Past: When he tries to ask you “what the hell is wrong with you”, know that that is not an actual question. He has no time for a detailed response wrenched from the insides of your heart’s lining. It will be mightily painful when it is swatted away like a fly, as you try to answer his question thinking he will care for the answer. If he does hear you out, he’ll end up repeating that “You’re a prisoner of your past.” “Get over it, move on.” He’ll remind you how silly and childish you’re being. Staying silent will be far less traumatising than talking.

Don’t Cancel Plans: When he shouts at you for cancelling yet another needless social obligation, try to make amends by offering to get dressed and accompanying him to the next one. Buy a dress/something uncomfortable that he’d love to see you in. He doesn’t care about how you feel, only how you look by his side. As long as you can project a picture of a sane and happy couple in front of his friends and colleagues, all will be forgiven. As the evening progresses aim for light but intelligent banter, don’t let them see that your mind is elsewhere. Try to enjoy the music if there is any, smile and nod every few minutes. Hold his hand, laugh at his jokes.

Have Sex even if you’re sick to your stomach: You may be retching in the mornings, but he’s got wood. If you don’t do it soon he warns he’ll end up hooking up with the next willing chick he can find. He’ll threaten to go back to his exes. Humour him, make eyes at him, take a shower and invite him in. Letting him wash you has the added benefit of less work and more fun. Having sex is easier when you’re feeling clean anyway. But make sure you’re doing it as much as needed to keep him entertained or he might lose interest in you.

Don’t be overheard Talking To Friends: Depression is easier to deal with when you have friends who understand the situation. Ensure that you have at least one meal with your partner, sleep next to him even if you’re crying softly into the pillow, clean up the house when he screams at you, resist the urge to call him a hypocrite. Don’t enrage him further. Call your friends when he is not around. If he overhears you, it will be a problem.

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*Based on a fictional story* *More chapters soon*