BFF; Best False Friend?
In high school, we all struggle with the same problems. Trying to get homework done at the last minutes, keeping up with sports, balancing work and school, etc. Along side that are the social problems. Trying to fit in, trying to figure out who we are, and finding out who the real friends are. I specifically want to touch on the “real friends.” This is because for the first time ever, I’ve really learned who my real friends are.
As a 17-year-old girl in high school, I’m not the prettiest and I’m not the most outgoing. I’m the type of girl who’s shy at first, but once you get to know her, she can be really fun and adventurous. The only thing I really had, were my brains. In elementary school, I really only had 2–4 friends, and 1 who I would actually hang out with outside of school. Yes, 1. The same went for most of middle school until 8th grade. I started becoming close with a few girls and guys in 8th grade, and we would hang out sometimes outside of school. These were the people I ended up being close with up until my sophomore year.
Okay, so we all have “friends”
Just like the picture says, we all have those people who we hang out with, laugh with, and who we share our problems with. But does that really make them a friend? They say they’ll always be there when you need them. So where are they when they notice your silence? Or do they even notice your silence? A friend doesn’t just mean being there for a person during a hard time, but also being there for every other time.
The Story: Looking From the Outside
Recently (my sophomore year in high school), I actually noticed how left out I really was. I noticed how how close some of my friends would get and gossip. Not about me (I hope), but other people. I know, gossiping is bad, but I still felt left out, and out of the loop. I also noticed how one of my friends would leave her desk, which was in front of mine, and go on the other side of the room and talk with the other girls in our “squad.” I couldn’t help but feel hurt. Who wouldn’t?
When I talk with my friends, they sometime talk about the plans they had made for that day, or the weekend. Which, I wasn’t invited to. It’s a pain to hear them talk about camping at so-and-so’s house.
But the worst play in the whole thing was social media. Every time I checked Instagram or Snapchat, I would find images of “my squad” hanging out without me. That was the trigger to the gun. They didn’t even bother to ask me. I thought these girls were my friends? Yes, they were there for me in a very hard time, but where are they for the fun times?
Summer rolls around, and I am still excluded from their “hangouts.” The only time they asked me to do something, other people were involved. As in, more than just the normal squad. I was thankful to be finally be invited, but it just wasn’t the same as having just the squad. I only felt like another person to invite. Oh and plus they hardly talked to me when I was there.
Of course, me being a teenager, I was compelled to tweet my feelings. At that point I was fed up with my “friends” and had chosen to get over it. But deep down inside of me, I really hoped that they would notice how upset I was, and ask me if I was okay. Well, in a way it did happen, but not the way I wanted it to. I had found out from 2 of my guy friends, that Leslie* had texted THEM and asked if I was okay. She asked THEM? Why not me directly?
Why Not Just Make Plans Myself?
That’s the thing. I did. I texted the squad and asked, “If I had a bonfire this Saturday, who could make it?” 2 out of 6 people replied. One who couldn’t make it, and one who said who might. And of course, I find out from one of my guy friends that Ashley* couldn’t go because of a baseball game. She didn’t even tell me, and I’m 95% sure she didn’t even go.
When that failed, I tried hanging out with one of my guy friends. He ended up forgetting about the plans we made, and ended up hanging out with my ex-boyfriend.
All in all, if I don’t initiate a conversation, or make the plans myself, I will never get to see my friends.
Now that I’ve been rambling on about my story, it’s time to get to the point. A real friend doesn’t forget you. A real friend includes you. A real friend notices your silence. A real friend talks to you directly when they want to know what’s wrong with you. Finally, a real friend makes it clear to you that they want you in their life.
If you feel like your friends are not real friends, give them a test. Stop putting in effort. You’ll find it amazing how your friendships are based on YOU making the effort.
- Names have been changed in order to maintain anonymity.
// Thank you for taking the time to read! I hope this is something you could relate to. If it is, give it a like and maybe a follow?