This strikes such a deep chord with me.
I never did Accutane, mostly because I was too scared of the side effects. But I saw doctors, took a lot of antibiotics, and tried every creme and treatment I could afford. And I’m pretty sure the money I spent on medicine, moisturizers, and makeup could have financed early retirement if I’d invested it instead.
From about 19 until 40, I felt paralyzed by the thought of leaving the house without makeup. I’d even get up at 5 a.m. to have time to do my makeup before swimming laps at 5:30 — and then come home and redo it again before starting my day.
It’s horrible to feel betrayed by your own body, to fear people may never get past your appearance, and to rail against the fact it shouldn’t even matter. Acne is devastating in ways that people who don’t have it can’t even imagine.
Thanks for writing so bravely and articulately about this, Diane. I hear your story and I see you.