Smoke
Jenna is sitting on the Sheridan’s House’s step after school lets out as always. Kelly rushes toward her nearly falling off the curb in her dollar store sneakers. When gets there she unceremoniously drops her school bag and her bottom on the step. She immediately leans into the one armed hug Jenna gives her while her other arm holds her smoking cigarette away so the the smell wouldn’t assault her companion’s senses.
“Hey kid,” she said as she was pulling away. “I got these for you.”
Jenna digs around in her big front pocket until she finds two slightly crushed pack of swiss rolls. Kelly beholds them with eager eyes and takes them with a ‘thank you’.
“One’s for Donni. Tell her I said ‘hi’ and stop poking around that burnt house, she’s going to hurt herself.”
“I’ll try.” She had already tried. Kelly was the big sister but she had little to no control over Donni so, when the Garrison’s house went up in flames the week before Donni has been fascinated by the blackened shell that used to house a family. Knowing Donni, she was most likely scavenging for things to put in what their mom called her “macabre menagerie”; a shoe box containing things such as a rat’s skull, a tooth she lost during a softball game, a three of clubs that came from a novelty deck of cards that featured naked women (their mom didn’t know about that one), among other odd things.
“So what’d you do at school today?” Jenna taps her cigarette to knock the ashes off.
By the time Kelly tells her about her two projects that she has to do and play that she’ll be in the city bus was making its afternoon stop on the corner. Out came some of homeless women who lived in the Sheridan’s House; some come up the steps and greet them as always and others go to pick up their children at the building that served as a daycare when the women job hunted. Jenna never went job hunting as far as Kelly saw. She was always on the steps when school let out. But then again Kelly wasn’t sure if she lived in Sheridan’s House, worked there, or was just sitting on their steps. She never asked and didn’t want to offend her with what might be an assumption of her situation and Jenna never volunteered any information.
Among the women she sees Lora Garrison going to pick up her son from the rec center; Sheridan’s House was her temporary home after her house burned down with her husband in it. The same house that was now Donni’s playground. Lora was noticeable from any angle with her knobby elbows and a little hobbling walk that spoke of injury. She had lived on her street but, Kelly’s only seen her, never spoken. Same with her husband for which she was grateful; she didn’t like that man on sight. He looked like he could breath fire if he wanted to. Maybe he set himself ablaze by accident.
Jenna looks at Lora with her mouth in a tight line and eyes far away. Her cigarette is down to end and surely must be burning her hand but she doesn’t seem to notice.
“Um Jenna,” Kelly pulled at her elbow. “Jenna!”
Jenna tears her gaze away from Lora and notices the burning cigarette but she calmly puts it out against the porch before immediately lighting another one. Kelly’s nose scrunched at the smell. Those were what Kelly dubbed the “stinky” kind because while the “other” brand (she’d never seen the carton, she only knew the “stinky” ones which were Pall Mall) didn’t smell all that great either, they were the lesser of two evils. The “other” smelled like raw fire and metal, it was hard to describe. She suspected Jenna alternated because Kelly will smell them both in the same sitting.
Lora was coming up the steps with four year old Grant in tow but Jenna grabs her attention.
“Did you call you sister, Lora?”
“Yes, I did,” replies with a voice like worn cotton. “she’ll be coming to get me and Grant in two weeks. She can’t wait to see me.”
“That’s good.” then Jenna turns to Grant “hey, buddy.”
Grant doesn’t speak. He just hides behind his mom and looks with sad cow eyes. Jenna gives a conspiratorial look around and says in a mock whisper.
“Hey, Grant, did you know that I’m a dragon?
Kelly rolled her eyes. Jenna’s old “I’m a dragon” trick. It was dorky as fuck but, she found it endearing when Jenna used it on her the first time when she was distraught and released a secret that had been weighing on her for weeks. In exchange, Jenna told her that ‘she was a dragon’ and it was so stupid it made her laugh until she cried all over again. This trick simply involves her turning her back and no doubt puffing at a cigarette, she does that now and she faces Grant and blows the smoke out of her nose, careful not to blow it in his face and gives an impressive growl. Grant’s eyes widen as he presses his small hand to his mouth in surprise.
“And dragon’s are good luck so you just might have some good days ahead of you.” she
Lora turns to smile at her son; a smile tinged with sadness.
“Sharon’s never seen Grant except in a few pictures I’ve managed to get to her. Seeing him is going be like Christmas for her.”
“Well, I wish you all the best.” Jenna gently grasps Lora’s hand and her eyes lift in surprise. Kelly can probably guess why. Jenna’s body heat is astonishing. Her skin always feels like the heat leftover from standing in front of a bonfire but, Lora schools away her surprise and thanks her before heading inside.
After that, aside from a few passerby, they were alone and continued to talk until the sun was setting. Jenna was practically lounging with that slinky grace that Kelly hoped to possess in her twenties, now even.
“I’m leaving.”
It’s nearly curfew for Sheridan’s House so Kelly said she’d see her tomorrow.
“No, you won’t. I’m leaving. Leaving here.
“Why? Did you find a place to live, are family coming to get you?” The sinking of her heart made her forget all about possibly offending her.
“Mmm? Oh, no, no” she puts her finished butt out and grabs her pack, tossing it when she finds it’s empty. “It’s just time to go; I’ve had my fill of this place. I need to leave it alone.”
“And leave me alone.” It’s selfish, Kelly knows but, she can’t help it. Though she still feels guilty for her accusation. She won’t be alone. This isn’t a movie where she has a shitty life and finds the only light in some stranger who’ll whisk her away to far off places. Her mother loved her, took care of her and, even if they didn’t have much but they were just below living comfortably. Jenna’s just a woman she met a year ago. She has friends she’s known longer.
But Jenna is “hers”. Donni has her box of bones and life’s leftovers, but Kelly had Jenna. Beautiful, mysterious, Jenna, who Kelly realized with shame she’d never asked about her life. She always just spouting off about her things and her life while she just smoked and listened. Offering the right input at the right time. Kelly braces herself for either anger or platitudes at her outburst.
“I can’t fault you that. I let you get close knowing I was going to leave,” Jenna heaved a sigh. “that was unfair of me.”
It’s dark now. The streetlights make Jenna’s slightly frizzed blond hair look like a halo of golden fire. Overcome, Kelly rushes forward with a hug that would have been dangerous if she had had a lit cigarette but Kelly couldn’t have cared less if she did. She can feel her unusual warmth even through her thick sweatshirt.
“Where will you go?” hoping that the thickness of her voice will be muffled by the sweatshirt.
“Everywhere, nowhere, somewhere new, somewhere familiar. I never know until get their. Hell, I may even go home.”
Kelly pulled away.
“Will you ever come back?”
She shrugged
“I’ve left…some trouble behind here. It would be a while. If at all,” she’s getting up now, “but I’ll tell you what. You’ll be an adult soon so, if or when you’re able do this: there’s a Mom and Pop diner called Salty’s on a stretch of road in a small town called Spelunca in Indiana. Tell the old man or his wife that ‘Kelly came a-knocking’. Say it just like that. Go there every day afterward, I’ll be there eventually.”
She’s walking away now, off to where she can’t follow.
“But can’t I call you, can’t you get a cellphone,” she cries desperately. “for me?”
“Not even for you kid. Sorry.” she threw behind her.
“We’ll can’t you give me something?”
“I gave you my biggest secret, remember?”
“What do you mean?”
“I told you I was a dragon.”
And with that she turns around and releases a cloud of smoke and growls, a better growl than her usual and walks off into the night.
“That’s real cute, Jenna, but I’m not a fucking child!” she yells at her retreating form before flopping viciously down onto the steps of the old house that served as the home of many an unfortunate woman for ten years. Kelly finally does what she hadn’t done through the whole ordeal; cry. Her tears land on the splintered step, turning the wood darker where they fell. One lands on the empty Pall Mall box. She forces back her pride and anger at Jenna to pick it up because the part of her who desperately wants her back is weak and wants this little thing at least.
Wait. It’s empty.
And Jenna put out her last cigarette when she said she was leaving.
I’ve left trouble behind here…
Neither of Jenna’s of hands held a cigarette as she walked away and out of her life.
I gave you my biggest secret…
Kelly catches the faint whiffs of raw fire and metal now.
I’m a dragon.
