I Beat Nicotine, but I Can’t Beat My Phone
And the phone might be worse. . . .
Are you addicted to anything? How about your phone?
I’m infuriated right now. And you should be, too.
I have finally kicked nicotine (again, for like the 100th time — but this time it’s for real) only to find myself having the same problem. With my damned phone!
Sure, I know, first world problems. Snowflake whiner. It’s all good. I don’t have a problem with that.
But I do have a problem with my attention. My personal power. Or lack thereof.
I started smoking in my teens. Up to a pack a day by 18. I quit a few times but always went back. Tried the patch. After a decade I discovered spit tobacco and, boy howdy, I was in love.
Nicotine has been part of my life for 30+ years. I am an addict. I can’t play around. I can NEVER have nicotine again, or I’ll go right back to being addicted.
But I’m almost 50. It’s time to give it up. It’s been 9 months or so and I’m doing ok. I had been chewing only nicotine gum (albeit, like, 20 pieces a day) for a year or so — so it was somewhat easier.
I have fewer and fewer cravings. It’s only about once a month now where I am tempted to start again. But I don’t. I won’t.
HOWEVER.
I now find that I have basically the same relationship with my phone as I did with nicotine.
There’s still some invisible FORCE.
Some URGE.
Some DISCONTENT.
Some RESTLESSNESS.
I feel it deep in my marrow.
There’s a CRAVING.
A NEED.
I guess it’s for Dopamine. Maybe it always was.
And for whatever reason, I believe that picking up my phone is going to give me what I need.
And sometimes it does.
But mostly it doesn’t.
Mostly it makes me want more.
Which reminds me of something. . . . . . .
So, the question remains.
Is my phone, like nicotine, a real addiction that I can’t ‘sip’. That I have to break completely 100%?
I have tried the ‘self-mastery’ approach.
I shut off all the notifications.
I black-and-whited the screen.
I deleted most apps.
I listed facebook and email as restricted in my web browser.
Seriously. My phone doesn’t even DO anything fun.
But I still pick it up.
If that isn’t addiction, I don’t know what is.
What say you, wise reader?
Am I to get rid of the smart phone?
I have four kids, aging parents, a wife. I probably need to be reachable and beepers are fine but are there even pay phones?
In other words, what are my options?
Self-mastery over my phone? Possible?
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