Where would you be without me?

What a loaded question, right? What would your life be like it I wasn’t in it? This was the question my husband asked innocently enough yesterday over dinner. Here’s the thing, I have no idea. There has been very little of my life that doesn’t involve him in one way or another. Let me explain. I’ve known my husband since I was 13 years old. That means that I’ve known him for more than half of my life and even though we haven’t been dating for that entire time, he has had a least a little influence on me in some way throughout all of this time. We met online, in a horrid chatroom that I won’t mention because it’s too embarrassing. I instantly was attracted to him ( I thought he was so much older than me, I ended up being wrong). He answered a couple questions about his current religion and we began a very simple friendship. Over the last thirteen years, we’ve broken each others heart, fell in love with other people, and returned to each other again and again. But where would I be without him? Probably a regular 25 year old, leaving in Arizona (where I was offered a job but didn’t go because of him). I would be working on my masters and spending every day going on hikes or reading books by the pool. I’d be happy enough, but I would still be searching for the right person to spend the rest of my life with. I’d still be searching for him. I wouldn’t wake up everyday with the sure fire purpose that I awake with today. I wouldn’t be “mommy” and I wouldn’t be his wife, and these are all things that I love, that are part of my identity now. I don’t want to imagine what my life would be like without him because it’s so much a part of who I am today, what I’ve learned with him by my side, and how he pushes me and comforts me in one way or another. Even this, this simple silly blog that gets me writing again is his idea, his push for me to begin writing again, something he knows I love and something he hopes I will succeed at. I love him and I’m so lucky he’s mine.