What “I’m Okay” Actually Means
And how to tell which one it is.
Communicating with other human beings is tricky. Some people know exactly how to read a room while others struggle to figure out what’s happening around them.
We often use generalized phrases out of fear of saying something inappropriate at the wrong time or engaging in an unpleasant conversation the other person definitely doesn’t want.
Saying “I’m okay” is the easiest way of getting out of having to explain how you’re actually feeling. We say we’re okay because we don’t want to bug others with our issues or because we simply don’t feel ready to talk about it yet.
1. I’m Okay aka Leave Me Alone
The best way to recognize the real meaning behind this is by studying a person’s face. It’s the lack of eye contact and scanning the room for literally anything else to occupy oneself with that gives the casual “I’m okay” the “Leave me alone” undertone. Easily detected and rarely misinterpreted, this version is used when one simply does not wish to deal with their (or your) emotions right now.
2. I’m Okay aka I’m Actually Okay
Plain and simple — sometimes we actually do feel okay. Not wonderful or great, but not sad or disappointed either. Okay is the one we resonate with in the moment and the actual verbalization of the phrase is often followed up with a smile and direct eye contact.
3. I’m Okay aka I’m Scared To Tell You How I’m Feeling
Here’s when it gets tricky. More often than not, saying “I’m okay” isn’t exactly a correct representation of our emotional state. It acts more as a filler, especially in situations where it’s clearly obvious that “being okay” is not what we are. Sometimes being truthful about what’s going on in one’s head simply isn’t an option. Brief eye contact is established as an attempt to appear genuine, but more often than not, that barely lasts two seconds before one averts their eyes out of fear of their true emotions coming through.
4. I’m Okay aka I Actually Wanna Know How *You* Are
“I’m okay” can also be used as a filler, a way to shift the gears of conversation forward and turn it away from ourselves because we are actively deciding to put our emotions aside to inquire about the other person. It might not be followed up with “How are you?” but rather what I like to call detective's eyes. Prolonged eye contact, switching to different areas of the other person’s face, trying desperately to figure out what it is they are actually feeling.
5. I’m Okay aka I Don’t Know
Easy. “I’m okay” and a shrug. It means there’s some type of way we’re feeling or we’re not feeling anything at all. It usually shows we don’t wish to get into the details unless specifically asked about it. This one can be difficult to interpret as it might mean “Please ask more about it because I don’t want to straight up dump everything on you” or it means something alongside “I’m not really sure what to say so please don’t push it.” The best way to move forward from this is to simply ask whether or not the person wants to talk about it. If the answer is a definitive no, then don’t push it, but if there’s any sight of reluctance in their answer, they probably want to share but are unsure whether or not you’d be okay with that.
Everyone uses the phrase differently. It depends on the speaker, the listener and the situation you both find yourselves in.
Please not that this is in no way a definite list. There are too many variables in human interaction and communication to be able to pinpoint the exact meaning behind a generalized phrase.
If you feel like I missed an important one, let me know in your response!
