The 4 Craziest Sports Injuries I’ve Seen In-Person

Three of these happened to me.

I’m estimating that I’ve played in 1,000 total games in my lifetime. In those thousand games, I don’t remember what happens, unless I do something great (or idiotic — or both). The only other thing I remember are the sweet injuries people suffer.

In order from least cool to most awesome, here we go:

4. Chipped Tooth in Basketball

I knew I wouldn’t make the varsity basketball team my freshman year, so I just worried about coming off the bench during JV games. Because I was an asshole, I wanted to beat our rivals in a meaningless JV basketball game, which is like trying to win a cribbage match with your grandparents, and the winner gets a tootsie roll.

In the middle of the second quarter, I’m guarding their best player. He drives to the basket, pump-fakes (I don’t bite on the pump-fake), then goes up under my chin with the ball.

My jaw violently clenched, and some pearly white thing went flying across the gym floor. I didn’t notice my tooth missing until ten seconds after the play was over. It was a weird sensation; I felt more air coming into my mouth than before, even though my mouth was closed. I moved my tongue around, and I felt a hole in my head. My middle bottom tooth shot out like a cannon, and a fan in the stands saw it and picked it up for me.

The second-worst part about that story is that I sat out the rest of the game when my team won at the buzzer on a game-winning layup.

The worst part? I was called for the foul.

3. Dislocated Finger in Baseball

For some reason, I’m at first base. Maybe I hit the shit out of the ball, but I don’t remember how I got to first base my senior year in high school. That part doesn’t matter.

What matters is that the pitcher threw over to first. I slid back into the bag. No big deal, right?

Well, the pitcher balked, so I went to second base. As I’m walking to second, my right hand is throbbing in pain, but nothing I couldn’t handle before.

Until the second baseman said, “Dude, look at your finger.”

I look down, and my right ring finger was bent at a 35 degree angle.

2. The Greatest Injury that Happened to Someone Else

In college, a dude on the other team tried (and successfully) stole second. But when he got up, blood was rushing everywhere.

Here’s what happened:

Our second basemen had his heel up as the guy was sliding into the base. One of his cleats made a perfect slice from the guy’s elbow to his wrist. It’s that fleshy part of your forearm where there’s no bone or cartilage to deal with. I bet he had 100 stitches, but no permanent damage.

Anyway, that was legit. But not as badass as this one…

  1. The Greatest Injury that Happened to Me

I’m catching a JV game in high school, and some douchebag on the other team is being himself on third base. I needed to teach him a lesson, dammit. So I threw to third base.

And my right elbow hit’s the batter’s bat. It hurt like a mo-fo, but it put a hole about the size of a dime in my arm.

Because I only punctured the skin, there was no blood to be found, but I could see cartilage and bone and some other cool biology shit in my arm. Grandma and Mom freaked out when they saw it, but I thought it was the coolest injury ever.

It still is.