The culture of body shaming
It was December 2017, and it was my first time going home after a year-long stay overseas. I looked forward to visiting my family and friends during my 28-day stay, and was excited to eat home-cooked Filipino dishes that I had so longed for in my absence. I missed the tamarind broth of adobo, the juicy skin of lechon, and the sweet jackfruit mixed in turon.
I expected I’d gain weight over the holidays, which was why I worked out and regulated my food intake more strictly weeks before my trip. I shed a few pounds to make room for new ones.
And yet the exact opposite happened: I lost 4 lbs during my stay — which is the most that I had lost at any given time. And all it took was a single comment from my dad upon my arrival:
“My child,” he said with amusement, taking my luggage from my hands. “You’ve grown fat.”
It was a comment that crushed my confidence. Who would want to hear that first thing upon their arrival, from the person whose support they expected from the most? And if that’s what my dad himself thought, what would other people think? Surely they would echo the sentiment.
And so I watched my food intake a little too exaggeratedly. I ate in small portions, not craving Filipino food as much as I expected I would. I ate carbohydrates minimally, and only did so to be spared from questioning (“Are you on a diet? Why aren’t you eating rice?”). I didn’t drink beer, even when my dad and uncles pleaded me to. I couldn’t forget my dad’s comment at the airport (which, as I expected, was echoed by some relatives); it was discouraging and disheartening.
Needless to say, I began shedding weight without doing it on purpose.
The Philippines is obsessed with weight.
Being a collectivistic country, it’s second nature for us to have an opinion on someone’s weight. We’re bothered if we see someone not taking care of themselves.
Which is why, most of the time, we comment on a friend’s physique the moment we see them.The purpose isn’t to spite, but to let them know where we believe they are in terms of taking care of their health.
The intention behind it is pure, but the delivery is harmful. It comes across as a form of body shaming.
I myself was a recipient of comments that yo-yoed between, “You’ve shed a few pounds!” to, “You’re getting healthier!”, the latter a subtle insult. As a result, I was never satisfied with the way I looked. I always felt like I needed to be sexier, no matter what size I was. I wanted to be up to the standard of sexy, which generally meant a thin frame with curves in all of the right places.
It’s only when I had begun living overseas that I’ve become consistently confident with my body. And it’s not because I’ve changed my eating habits nor have become more active.
It’s because people don’t give a hoot about my looks.
The way the collective here views a person’s physique is that it’s not something to be noticed, more so to have an opinion on. People are generally focused on their own bodies; judging those of others’ doesn’t pass their mind. After all, why would you, when you could better use that time to take care of yourself?
It was here that I was able to put in perspective the comments that, for years, I had swallowed like a bitter pill. I realized that I was — am — okay. I only lacked self-confidence because I knew I was being judged, not out of spite, but out of concern for my well-being.
Now I’m surer than ever that I’m healthy and beautiful.
The truth is, being removed from a culture where your looks is everyone’s concern is refreshing. It’s good for my confidence and my mental health.
At the same time, however, I better understand the intention behind it. I appreciate that Filipinos think as a collective and want to take care of each other. The delivery may need improvement, but it isn’t done out of malice.
Call to Action
Be more mindful.
When you’re about to comment on someone’s physique, hold your tongue and put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Understand that your opinion, if not encouraging nor helpful, is better off not said.
People need to feel like they own their body, and that they’re not liable to anyone but themselves. Allow your family and friends the leisure of perceiving their body without others’ opinions affecting it.
