Filial Deity

Kristabel
Kristabel
Sep 4, 2018 · 4 min read

“Filial Piety is considered the main building block of Conventional Chinese families. In order to nurture justified children to survive in the menacing cultural aspect of realism beyond playtime and nap time, Chinese children must embrace the most valued aspect of their tradition; Filial Piety.

The children are to embrace filial piety as though it was a deity. To be loyal and undeferred from the sinful temptations of modernised rebellion, Chinese Children must respect the sanctity in being filial.”

Fuck this shit.

I wasn’t born into a Traditional Chinese family. It was an unconventional Chinese Upbringing. I was raised in an oddly revolutionised setting where the mother admits her fault when she was wrong. Children are not whipped senseless if they can reason with their mother. Do not get me wrong; Mama was still stringent with her parenting. However, she was openly loving and giving with her forgiveness and dedication, something I saw less in Baba.

Mama has always been open about her mischief as a young teenager. Each story has it humour and stupidity of young and rash teen love. However, each story she spoke of her teenage were laced with harsh reality of adultery or “adulting” due to the consequences of young and rash teen love.

Baba had always thought Mama said too much. However the stories had its purpose to serve as a reminder; Be a street smart, intelligent and independent woman to avoid men like Baba.

I don’t think many would understand the coldness of the void. The many sleepless nights I faced and occasional reliance on common cold medications to promote drowsiness. I was scared of the blue horizon beyond the ocean on my snuggle blanket. It was a thin fabric separating me from realism and imaginations. However within imaginations, there was another fine, blurred line between dreams and nightmares. Haunting me was the daunting, bloodshot eyes Baba used against Korkor.

Do I respect a man who held pretentious claims to be our Biological Father yet treats us like distant strangers?

I remember it till this very day how I came to initially forgive Baba for his negligence towards me as a young, helpless daughter when I needed him most. I learned that it was always a parent’s first time to have children. They never had experience prior to their very first child on how to hold their infants, shower them, groom them, change their diapers etc. No one could teach parents how to educate their children as they mature into little rebellious teenagers. I guess Baba didn’t know how to deal with me either when I was a little Chinese girl with dreadful premenstrual symptoms (PMS-ing real hard).

In summary, it took years of countless reading and praying to obtain the current level of tolerance and depth of acceptance for shit parenting. But 17 years was not enough to arm me with the necessary emotional strengths when he spoke words of spite and hatred as he criminalized his son.

Nobody has the answers to why a Chinese, self-righteous and self-proclaimed morally upright man would criminalize his son and paint him in a picture of an unfilial, rotten animal who lacked respect for anyone in the family. I mean, how grave were Korkor’s sins to cause him to be disowned by Baba?

Probably calling Baba a useless fuck although it was partially true. Oops.

I don’t know which fuck suddenly gets tired of parenting when he was the man who ejaculated in his wife at least twice. I mean, accidental ejaculation can be solved with condoms. I don’t know which Father in his right mind would ask his daughter if he could retire when she still desperately needs monetary support as a 17 year old.

I don’t know how else to write out the pent up frustration and tears from the effects of emotional abandonments I had from him. I mean, I didn’t ask to be born under his shit parenting. So why did a man like him often paint Korkor and I as his burden?

However, in my roots, I was still Chinese who was expected to embrace Filial Piety like it was a Deity. I was expected to get on my knees and pray for the strength and ability to be filial and care for my father regardless of his flawed parenting.

Once I have both the maturity and ability to be independent, I was obliged to care for my father the way he didn’t care for me. A stable monthly allowance was to be provided although he stopped caring for me as a schooling young teenager. I had to drive him to his monthly hospital check-ups like other Filial Chinese adults would do for their parents, but he never drove me to school. I had to be the one who prepares his funeral with Korkor. I had to watch him to be burnt to ashes during his last moment although he was never there to witness our first moment in the world.

I amexpected to embrace the traditional values of filial obedience for the seniority who don’t deserve shit. I was slapped with the cold harsh reality of the true family bonds of my Unconventional Chinese Family. Filial Obedience often becomes a burden instead of a willing duty.

You decide; Does Filial Piety apply to Unconventional Chinese Families?

Kristabel

Written by

Kristabel

Channeling my angst from life to writing https://twitter.com/krease_kriss

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