first romance ; 3 AM

Kristabel
Kristabel
Sep 5, 2018 · 2 min read

“I never understood why Mama told me never to fall in love too fast. I wanted to love someone. I was so eager to fall in love. However, I never realised the scars and trauma which came along with the first break up with the wrong man. This is my version of the first romance ; 3 AM”

3 AM

WHEN MINDS ARE WILDEST

AND TEARS ARE ENDLESS

Meaningless Words

Situational Depression

Perpetuating Heart Ache

Recurrent, Unconsciously

The Habitual Heartbreak

The Habitual Flashback

31 March, 12.00am

The empty words you left in my head.

Empty promises with meaningless words

You whispered words of love yet portrayed actions of irony

Those were the promises I clutched so dearly

To my heart

Ways to End the Habitual Heartbreaks

Negative Reinforcements

Positive Reinforcements

Negative Punishments

Positive Punishments

Loss of Serotonin

16 April, 05.45 pm

I guess I had always been waiting

For the perfect opportunity

To denounce the love we had.

I thought, “I could put an end to the pain.”

But it was a chronic, persisting misery

Of cravings, needing the physical affection you gave

Stage of Denial

Lack of Acceptance

Of the Misery

She placed herself under

To be without you

Lost

15 May, 11.59 pm

I sat by the place

You last whispered words of love.

When did start losing everything

When did I fell out of love

When did I start losing the persona I fell for

Relapse Prevention Model

High Risk Situation with those tempting lips and warm hands of yours

Coping Ability but lack of self-control to be without you

The Abstinence Violation Effect where the guilt I felt when I held you once more

Living in the Past

3 February, 01.05 am

The first time you held my hands,

Kissed my head,

And the first kiss.

21 June, 09.12pm

The last time you held me in your arms,

the moment I realized it wasn’t the same anymore.

You weren’t the man I love anymore.

3AM

LIVING IN THIS NIGHTMARE

“DON’T GO TO SLEEP”

BECAUSE THAT’S WHEN I’LL STOP SEEING YOU IN MY HEAD.

Kristabel

Kristabel

Channeling my angst from life to writing https://twitter.com/krease_kriss

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