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How to *really* know you’re in love

Because most of “the signs” they tell you are garbage

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If you try to Google “how to know you’re in love,” you’re gonna have a bad time

Because it’s mostly shit advice.

“They’re always on your mind”

This is infatuation.

“You crave them” or “can’t get enough of them”

See above.

“They’re your ‘everything’”

Ditto.

“You see them in your future”

“They’re the person of your dreams”

See above.

“You always want them around”

Ha. Hahaha. Clearly you have never been in a (healthy) long-term relationship.

“You’ll do whatever it takes to impress them.”

Well. That’s scary.

“You’re scared”

“You’re jealous”

This is attachment again, not mature love.

“They’re beautiful.”

This is self-love, not love. (Also: you’re an idiot.)

“They’re kind.”

Well. Glad you’re getting your emotional needs met.

“You just know”

Well. Thanks for the most unhelpful advice ever.

Tread lightly with:

“They’re the best part of your day”

“You prioritize them”

Good: you actually care about their wants and needs, and prioritize them in a way that doesn’t tear you down

How to know you LIKE them as a person:

They’re different than everyone else

Rad for them

You like more than their looks

Congrats, there may be hope for you yet.

You want them to be happy

Great. I want happiness for most people.

You’ll try new things with them

You found someone with whom you’re comfortable, and whose company you enjoy. Good on you.

They inspire you to be a better person

Role models have that effect on us, too. That doesn’t mean we love them.

How to know you LOVE them:

(1) You know because you decide

You don’t feel love. You DO it. It’s an act, not a feeling. It’s a moment by moment decision and re-commitment. You know because it’s deliberate and conscious.

(2) You know because you DO the act of loving

You invest. You exert effort.

(3) You know bc you do the act of loving even when you don’t want to

Because everyone thinks they’re in love when it’s clear skies and calm waters, but watch them when the storm hits.

What we should really be Googling is “how to love,” not “how to ‘know’ we’re in love.”

We like to differentiate between “being in love with” and “loving” someone. But “being in love with” is infatuation, and infatuation means nothing in getting real love.

Written by

Writer — www.krisgage.com reach me at krisgagemedium (at) gmail (dot) com

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