Monotony

Days, weeks, months and years roll by the same mechanical way everyday. My life, I wonder has become dull and boring, doing the same things again and again. Days are boring, nights nonetheless. It was a different scene few years back when each day was a joy to look forward to. What went wrong or what right am I not doing? Am I missing something. Or is it that life becomes a drag after certain age where all the spice goes missing. Of course, there is a silver lining in between but its much less of a consolation for the large number of monotonous days. We seem to be doing all the things that we are supposed to be doing but still something is amiss. Sometimes, its hard for me to take all this and it leaves me depressed and irritated. Nothing seems to be going accordingly. Nobody is good. But then what? Still, somewhere deep down I am hopeful of that dream life of mine which I have been visualizing since my younger days. Those were bright days when I would be walking on my terrace, with a cigarette in hand, in the evening when its dark, and would dream abundantly and it used to make me feel elated, I used to dream of becoming a computer programmer, a writer, a journalist, a rich guy etc etc. But, after many years nothing of that sort happened. Life has been a roller coaster of events for me and has dropped me here with just a glimpse of my dreams. What went wrong? Did I fail to take the appropriate steps towards attaining my dreams or maybe after taking a few steps started to dream a new dream. Too many dreams in ones life is also a kind of distraction which takes away ones focus from the target and in the end you end up somewhere in a entirely different world which is not your dream life or you have thought or dreamt about. I have been like a sloth in my speed and all my peers are way ahead than me, thats what it seems to me when I hear about all their achievements and attainments. I feel I am stuck somewhere in the past and have not moved forward from there. The world has sped past me and I am left behind feeling disgusted. At a certain point in my life when I was younger in my school days I was much more confident and felt was going hand in hand with the world, but somewhere I stopped, I got stuck and the years rolled by. It makes me regret about my life and all the time I have lost. But slowly I am trying to get hold of my days of lately. Better late than never. I know I am a late bloomer and what encourages me is that there are many people in the world like me who are late bloomers but are doing fine. I need not feel guilty about my life and should try to do the best of which I have now. Carpe diem.

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