I am a Vehicle Horn, I love my existence.

Krishnakant Mishra
Sep 9, 2018 · 4 min read

Imagine! That ambiguous red traffic signal. That green traffic signal but an ambiguous inertia ahead (vehicle, pothole, humans, animals, ghosts, et cetera). That yellow traffic signal about to kill your inertia. That car ahead with a human who defies the use of acceleration. That moment when you’re forced to flex your ankle muscles on the brake. That ego which flouts you to show off your vehicle. That long-lost human (friend/enemy) sighted by the road. Those two quick beeps to say ‘Adieu’.

All the above actions instigate an emotion within humans, from anger to frustration, from nostalgia to a sign of exaltation, all expressed via me. I am a vehicle horn!

While I was called one of the most important safety inventions, the way humans imbibed me is an emotion — like they cry, they laugh, they shout and they honk! Yes! I am nothing less than a human emotion, at least a medium that delivers the same. The ease of delivering this exact emotion holds me accountable for 70% of the noise pollution in your world.

:p

Let’s per say think of how I was born?

At the beginning of the 20th century, the quest for effective in-car signaling changed the roads forever. Automobile owners around the globe had their choice of whistles, sirens, and bells so they could manually alert pedestrians and other road users. Interesting variations included a “press while you steer” device and an inventive loud horn that was powered by the vehicle’s exhaust. In fact, the horn became very popular: the sound it emitted was quite novel at the time, as well as relatively piercing, and everybody wanted one.

Over the past 100 years, From being a fun car accessory to that noise which irritates the F out of you, when in abundance. Oh, wait! You wouldn’t understand the use of letter F in the last statement, unless you walk at least 100 meters on a busy road (Correction: busy congested potholed road) with impatient drivers (Correction: impatient lousy palpitated frustrated sleep/sex deprived drivers).

You know what makes me feel worse? That nobody ever smiles when I release my sound. Nobody ever honked and smiled. Nobody ever heard me and smiled. In fact what follows is some words like — ‘Get off my way Bastard!’, ‘Bael gaadi chala raha hai kya, bhenchod’ — Well, I am clueless about what these human words mean, but the expression on their face is definitely not a wishful site. Like, tighten the facial muscle, nostrils pumping hard, rolled up eyebrows, stiff jaws, Hands holding the poor steering really tight, and that moment when they literally punch me to create noise. It hurts! Like really bad. But I can’t even voice my complaint as an assault. At times I do get reluctant to release the required noise to share my bit of frustration. But this is when I am hand punched/banged/humped/*add more adjectives, which is beyond what normal pain feels like!

It’s ok though! I’ve heard some of these humans also treat their fellow humans in a similar way. I’d be too ambitious to expect respect, isn’t it?

Now, think about those people on road, when 1000s of my brothers roar together, I can’t tell you how guilty we all feel together. But it’s just that we are bound to obey our masters, the classic case of colonialism, just that we cannot revolt, ever! Thought, however bad we’re treated, I always feel responsible for somebody’s life. My master would beat me, use me to abuse someone, but he’s my master and I am bound to save him, care for him, come to his rescue. I really feel like the ‘Kattappa’ character from that film ‘Bahubali’, he’s so much like me. Obedient as F. But, I am sure I would never ever kill my master (on my own) :p

On the brighter side, very occasionally, I feel excited about being used. Like, some time back, Krishnakant, for the first time was honking and smiling. I was shocked. Until I realized he spotted an old pal by the road. Such a wonderful site watching them meet. I felt so proud that it happened through me. Another feel-good moment is being that sign to bid adieu. It’s when humans meet, but I get the final say, the final ‘See you soon!’, my final two beeps. Also, especially in a sporting event, a political rally, a convoy - the kind of attention I get just pumps up my ego to another level. I wish I could always live like this. I wish I had more attentive masters who could embrace my existence and imbibe a bit of logic before using me. I am sure I ain’t asking a lot from you.

Recently, I was talking to Krishnakant, when he introduced the word ‘Patience’ to me. I was so blown away by the way it can change any human’s thinking/living and was totally shocked by why isn’t so prevalent. I mean, by theory, it’s an enemy to me but practically it adds so much more meaning to my existence.

I know you’re human (if you’re reading this) and you would honk, irrespective of my rant! But the next time, when you really have to, just stare at me once. Count 1...2...3... in your head and you’d feel what I feel!

There’s enough in the world that you take for granted, try getting me off that list.

After all, I am a vehicle horn and I do not wish to love my existence!

Krishnakant Mishra

Content Curator. Farmland Nomad. Pub Quiz Master. Colloquial Author.

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