Loaded Bratwurst

Gun control advocates are hailing the new law just passed as a major step in gun violence control in America. Since 2015, the last 20 years meant escalating gun violence in the US. Now in 2035, all citizens fear for their lives when they walk out the door.

The law’s chances seemed slim last month, when the Republicans and Libertarians staged a sausage fest on the floor of the House. But then, a running gun battle between police and convenience store robbers armed with AK-47’s on the Mall took a piece of Lincoln’s nose off at the Lincoln Memorial. Public outrage then fueled passage of the bill and signature by the President.

The details of the bill are a bit sketchy at this point. Sausage as a weapon is new to the US. It’s typical mostly in Germany and Austria.

The bill supposedly enacts sweeping gun reforms but enforcement remains a big question. Local police may be expected to take the lead. Most say they’re familiar with the types of sausage to be handed out and how to use them.

The main reform targets anyone with anger management issues, including road rage, and the slightly kooky. Anyone applying for a gun permit that falls into these categories during a polygraph test will be issued a sausage instead of a gun.

The preferred sausage is a “brat” which is American for bratwurst. Jagers are available for those preferring a harder, leaner sausage. Metal rings on the sausage ends are permitted for defensive purposes and ease of carry.

The reforms apply to gun shop owners, gun shows and online sales. Shows and online sites are not happy about the polygraph tests. But most like the smell of sausage and worry a bit about their waistline with that much sausage hanging around.

Word out of Germany and Austria indicates car denting likely to increase and more bruises during altercations due to those metal rings. Hand to hand with sausages expected to increase apprehension rate, as police need only give their canine officer a whiff of brat for tracking.

NRA is considering a new name, National Rifle and Wurst Association, NRWA.

Show your support

Clapping shows how much you appreciated Kris Keppeler’s story.