Design is Dating

Silos Are for Grain: Part 4 of 5

Quick recap for those of you just joining us: We’re walking through the some of the steps of the digital product design process. So far I’ve touched on research, iteration, and user testing; and now in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, let’s chat about dating.

Luckily, I have a bit of an advantage in this department. My wife just so happens to be a bonafide matchmaker and dating coach. So I asked her for some fundamental precepts that can lead to successful dating. Here are three of her tried and true suggestions:

1. Serve them and let them serve you
2. Establish trust from honesty
3. Strive to speak their love language

Don’t worry — we’re still here to talk design. But I think relationships are an often underrepresented aspect of design, and we could all use a little help. These dating suggestions might do just that.

Wooing Your Cross-functional Partners

There’s a reason that this article series has been titled “Silos Are for Grain.” Nothing we create as digital product designers has any value unless we get other people to buy into the concept. Hence, silos have no place in design.

Collaboration is for design. Silos are for grain.

However, facilitating that collaboration can be a tricky business. It’s something that all designers probably struggle with at one point or another. That’s why we’re talking about dating — think about it this way: If you were to meet a random person on the street, it would be incredibly difficult and combative to convince them to marry you. That’s a huge decision and both of you come with different backgrounds, contexts, and experiences. But, if you’ve taken the time and the effort to build a relationship and have made decisions together along the process, when it’s time to make that decision it’s a no-brainer.

That’s what we want in our cross-functional collaborations. We don’t want the buy-in to be a battle. We want product management and engineering to gladly and quickly give the stamp of approval.

And how do we do that?

By making decisions together through each step of the process: research, iteration, and user testing. Then when it’s time to finalize the design, it’s a no-brainer. That is, as long as you have a good relationship. So let’s get back to those dating tips.

Serve Them and Let Them Serve You

This principle surprised me when I first learned about it. However, the more that I’ve thought about the more it’s made sense. In dating, it goes like this: humans gain a stronger bond and stronger empathy for those they’ve served. So while we know that it’s a good idea to be helpful to those we’re trying to form relationships with, we need to let them serve us as well.

What does that service look like a business setting? As designers we can actively look for opportunities to assist outside of the day-to-day of product design. That could be anything from compiling notes from meetings and being proactive in distributing them, to designing a poster for your team’s offsite. If you are proactive in the services you provide, they will notice your efforts.

I think more important in a business setting is letting others “serve” you. Ask your product manager to help you set up customer visits. Ask your engineering team for help with building a prototype. Even better, ask them for advice and guidance on design specific tasks. Get their feedback on projects that aren’t directly related to the project you’re working on together.

These might seem like small and insignificant contributions, but over time they will help form a confidence and a foundation for a relationship with your cross-functional comrades.

Establish Trust From Honesty

This one is so important. It also happens to be one that is particularly difficult for me. That’s not because I struggle with being honest. My particular struggle happens to be presenting my honesty in a constructive format.

Needless to say, tact is incredibly important here.

We as designers need to feel a responsibility for the end users and their success. Sometimes that means pushing against current business initiatives. Sometimes that means pushing against existing processes. Sometimes that means advocating for less “valuable” user groups. We need to be honest in those conversations up front.

That does not mean, however, that we need to win these disagreements. Honesty is about making sure that all involved parties know what our suggestion is and what our reasoning is behind it. It could do some damage to our relationships in the long run if we feel that we have to convince everyone that our opinion should be the only option going forward. The key here is just making sure they are aware of our opinion.

Strive to Speak Their Love Language

We’ve probably all heard of the five love languages in passing by now, but in case you might have missed it, here’s a quick recap:

1. Words of affirmation
2. Acts of service
3. Gifts
4. Quality time
5. Physical touch*

Ok, in a business setting we might need to shy away from that last one. All the same, it might be useful to think of these as “cross-functional relationship languages” as opposed to “love” languages. How often are you complimenting your engineers on the stellar code they’re delivering? When is the last time you helped your product manager with their pitch deck aesthetic in a pinch? Did you think about getting your program manager a Christmas card? Are you making sure to make time to attend all (meaningful) meetings?

As we interact with these members of our team, we need to remember something that should always be at the back of our minds as designers: These are people.

And I’ve found the more I see them as individuals instead of just as co-workers, the better I am able to empathize with them and find their “cross-functional relationship language”.

Let’s Design Relationships

The further I’ve gotten along in my career, the more and more design skills have become table stakes. As the user experience designers of the world continue to rise in skill and capability, our most marketable skills may cease to be our proficiency in Adobe XD or Sketch. Soft skills have a very hard value, and no soft skill is more valuable than relationship building in any give organization.

My biggest suggestion at the end of all this is more for myself than anyone. Let’s be deliberate in how we design our relationships. We have to interact with other people in our organization by default, so relationships will be created for better or worse. If we take the time to make sure we’re designing relationships that set us and the product to be successful, we’ll be an infinitely more valuable asset to our team.

So get out there you crazy kids. Court your PMs and engineers.

In the business sense, of course.