DIARY OF A Blaque girls start up …

The underlying issue is as a woman and a black woman. I swear some animals get treated better than I.

I can only speak for myself…. I’m not hear representing all women of color I don’t have the time or energy. To act as an advocate because no one is advocating for me. I have to save MYSELF before I can help others. On an areoplane it says before you help others put your own mask on. Or something like that. I’m not out hear trying to be a hero.

The expectations of attainment of women of color i.e me is so low, when I do exceed peoples expectations they seem perplexed. Oh, wow! I often hear I wish I could read minds.

This treatment doesn’t only extend to employment and opportunities it also extends to medical treatment. I had one hospital in the UK boldy inform me, oh I am not allergic to nuts, yet I had another hospital within a more affluent area inform me oh you need to change your medication what you are using is not strong enough. I over heard a non women of color explain how much checks she received passed on an intolrence. I have a chronic illness which to this day holds no cure. Doctors concern. Very little!

No, I am not doing a trial funded by the nut allergy industry to see if feeding me a small dose of nuts will increase my tolerance. Do I look like a monkey or a mice?

I reported a crime to the police and the local council. They ignored me until I went straight to the head of the council and explained in detail where and how they went wrong. So much so one of the visits I did to the council was not logged on the system yet they made me fill out forms and be humiliated by members of staff who thought my circumstance was funny. Yet, these are public funded staff who clearly show a level of incompetence which goes way over my head.

Most half decent jobs come with a price tag.

I applied for a role as Non executive board of director .. $$$$$ price tag to even apply for the job. With no guarantee of a job offer. I hate using credit to fund stuff. No, I’m not putting myself on a whim on a hope to be sold a dream by a sales person and poof nothing yet he’s sipping on artisan beer somewhere in Richmond laughing at the bar staff as you know. Why would you only want to work in bar! Erm. Yeah. Exactly…

Another one advising indpendent brands especially bricks and mortor stores how to potentially improve systems. To even advertise my service on the platform $$$$$$$ before I even breathe yet again with the promise of potential opportunities. I can imagine Gary v looking at this and saying oh well here is what I would do, well last time I checked you weren’t self made, you are working within a business which superseded you. So, yeah what you say is on point most occasions. However you are not self made. Full stop! Pipe down!

I could list more, however you may not get the point. I often hear people say oh well, you know people who work on coffee shops should aspire for more. I did and you know what f-u.

Maybe I should be more confident, but you know what I don’t want to come across as arrogant. Most people have this weird hiring phylosophy, we don’t want to hire people who are better at the job than them, yet when the hire the person who less qualified and for less money they complain they don’t know what they are doing and it’s like I’m doing the work of two people. Is this what you call an oxymoron? There is a fine line of knowing you’re shit and knowing your shit! Most people who think they’re the shit are normally that shit at their jobs.

I have spent the last few years actively putting my knowledge into practice. As I’m doing something I can’t tell you how I’m doing and figuring out as I’m going along. Afterwards, I can explain how I came to the decision or particular out come based on actions. I can tell you failure after failure and how I improved on it

Let me give you two examples, one day I applied to job at a premier football club, within a few days of my application an article appeared on a online global news platform which by strange coincidence sounded and was written very similar to my application. It was sent to me by a friend. I was like how strange, yet I contacted the recruiter and asked for feed back. No answer! I get jack shit and I contact the club I get no feedback. To their defense I do struggle with spelling and at best I find it hard to write down all my accomplishments in a CV because I like to get shit done as compared to constantly say oh how amazing look at me. I’ve worked in recruiting for nearly 10 years and I found something happens very often.

People who can talk a good game seem to execute very poorly, they have an over inflatable sense of self and their accomplishments. Most hiring managers just about understand the job they are recruiting for and fall into the trap of screening based in seemingly stupid misconceptions. Oh, her hair is weird.

I don’t keep task of every single detail of every accomplishment because most people can’t comprehend, how much I do. However I can site you customers and clients who can and will give you feedback which is more effective than any CV masked with a list of so called accomplishments with not tangerable proof of outcome on paper anyone can sound half decent, just imagine hiring managers going through tender, because that’s how most of them are behaving . But I’ll name drop on my Cv just so you know and you can call me ask my questions which are fundermentally stupid and at best illiegal but it’s okay your self Interested self is like well insert excuse. Then they will hire someone because they look the part. Not based on their ablity to excute a task effectively.

I had one vindictive employer who thought it was entertaining to delete the work I created for the brand via their social media platforms. 👏👏👏👏

Little did they realise I kept copies of just about everything and I have tried to stay in contact with the clients I enjoyed working with. Just to ensure the work i did was real otherwise toxic companies and people have a great way of making you think you are bonkers and oh that work you excuted never happened and they did all the work.

People have a great way of taking the work of others and claiming it as their own and not giving credit where credit is due. Yet, I know people who have been hired off the back of copying others work and when they go to excute the idea they sold you, which you are now paying for them to do it goes tits up. Why because you didn’t ask them how they came to the end process. It’s the process people need to be concerned about not the end result. If it doesn’t add up or they can’t answer simple questions off the bat or they can’t explain it so you can understand without using jargon than they don’t know what they are taking about, trust me they copied it or there is a missing link. The end result of any product is various ingredients put into play all at once when you know what you are doing you know what ingredients you are using and why.

Sometimes, I can’t see the difference of how I am treated in a supply chain as compared to how the lady in Tarentinos film D’jango who is constantly placed in the hot box. For calling people out on their crap!

Society is very okay at accepting my place within low level paid hospitality jobs. You can do this basic tasks! I have often been told by customers why are you here?

my response is it’s fun, (most of my work is online so, sometimes I can get lost in it’s never ending world of nothingness). Other times it’s essential but I don’t tell them that people don’t like to hear the truth of a situation. Maybe I’m not demanding my value I think or I am under selling myself. Yet, when I do go ahead and reach above the batton range. I’m shot down swifter than apple can update xcode.

However,the ignorant prejudice I face on daily basis has left me disobendent angry and fustrated. I try not to let this show in public so I write to express my emotions. Haha this is public silly me, but you can’t see me snap my neck roll my eyes and wave my finger like you know one of those ghetto girls. At least that’s something people don’t want to copy and take as their own 'oh, who wants to play the angry women of color’ any ✋. Unless it’s you trying to look cool in a music video. yeah, didn’t think so. I have been treated as I’m a second class citizen based on the simple fact one I’m women and two the color of my skin some how determines my level of intelligence as low and also the level of service I receive from staff from many organisation is basically oh your lucky you we are even speaking to you. What year are we in? Exactly…i thought so.

I have worked solidly since I dropped out of University, yet I have constantly kept on learning. Online,reading, private courses attending workshops working for free. I should demand more of others not myself I already have high expectations, maybe i should get an agent to broker on my behalf because I’m obviously doing something wrong.

What I have spent on self education is maybe close to a MA with no certificate because I picked up the courses which interested me and studied them intensely. I often get overlooked by recruiting and hiring managers maybe because my name is weird or I’m just not good enough. Yet, if you ask people I’ve worked with they will tell you, she knows what she is talking about and she knows how to get it done. For every project which has failed and tell you exactly how and what I could have done differently.

I worked for a recruiting agency and I was told by a senior manager stop hiring black (insert nationality) people, they want Australians. (They meaning the client) oh where is he now he’s sitting on a non execute board of directors of a recruiting company with his racism getting paid a shit tone of money to spurt out his prejudice disguised as fact. Everyone give his employer a round of applause for great recruiting practice. Ironically, it’s a recruiting company. Do you see the issue here now?

One thing I can say is he had the performance to back up his bravado. Still, his character is flawed. Oh he might have changed his views one might say. I beg to differ because his linkedin is a sure indication he still holds a number of unconscious biases he’s not even aware of.

You might ask, how, you can’t see their pictures? Also what is it with companies requesting pictures with their application? this isn’t xfactor. how do you know the client was being racist there are few factors which highlight such statements names are a sure fire indication of ethnicity (managers/hiring managers get caught off guard when they get a person of Color with a European name. (Oh darling, look what I’ve found in the applicants. I’ve found one. What do you mean you found one. You know what the CEO keeps on Rabbitting on about. This whole diversity stuff. Personally I think it’s silly it’s not like there are any middle class black people, they wouldn’t have a clue how to talk to our customers. Anyway, we are going to meet our ethnicity quoter we found one, high fives, sweetie would you like a coffee latte or pumpkin, pumpkin darling) in some cases and secondly the institution of education is also a slight indication of ethnicity and obviously geographical location of where you have studied or live often gives it up. Now you answer these questions. Do any of these things indicate anyone’s ablity to execute a job role effectively?

So, I took my picture off my LinkedIn profile to see if it makes any difference.

For some reason ever since doing so ?my name comes up more often in search results for something on LinkedIn. But with a little bit of Google search you can’t hide the fact I am a woman of color. Or can I. I literally want to be anomious. Think the bansky of technology. I’m fed up of using my appearance as a tool against me what I look like has no indication of what I can achieve. I feel for people with physical disablities, I can only imagine how frustrating it is for them.

I see, products and ideas getting funding yet, I often get disrespected blatantly by investors etc on a constant basis if I was a man would you speak to me or behave like that? Hell no? You have no idea who I know what I know but off the bat it’s more important they think it’s okay to waste my time. I have to achieve a considerable larger amount of work as compared to people of other ethnicity’s or races who are the same gender of are of a different gender. A man of color has much better chance than I as a woman of color and a male of color will be given much more leg room for advancement than say a women of color. You might ask who? I can think of one off the top of my head Tristin walker and the fact a black man is being considered for the role of 007 shows how far they are in advancing as compared to black women and women general. God forbid you cast a woman as 007.

I’m sorry to have to say but at times I feel and I can’t speak to anyone else but being a black women is a gift and curse. More so a curse at the moment. I don’t need an orchestra. I play my own damn drums thanks. on a note pad #watchme

I had one investor verbally insult me personally openly in public so much so I cried and went all the way to the bank and cried.The guy at the bank was super helpful and gave some great advice. He asked if I needed investment. I said no, at the time I needed more time I spend most of my time overcoming peoples ignornace and getting work done.

the investors words were you have no idea how to excute the project along with various other insults. In fact I do, yet the cost of executing the project out weighs what I get paid in a coffee shop is by over a dozen of what my start up costs are. My annoyce was he didn’t even ask me do you know how, he just assumed because I had hadn’t told him. Yet he hadn’t signed an NDA (non disclosure agreement) and one of his investments was a slight conflict of interest. I’d done my due diligence on him and I’d already seen red flags, but nothing prepared me for the take down he gave me.

My access to resources is limited and I’m fed up of begging. Even to get paid for work I’ve already done it is as If i feel like Oliver twist, please sir can I get paid can I get feedback. Oh that’s so very nice of you thank you. So, now I’m like i want my cash up front 50% upfront and 50% on completion. I’m not a mortgage I know the value of my Intellectual property you can rent me! As per Karl Lagerfield. He said it himself so, why not.

If it wasn’t for a very good lawyer who offered to do my legal work for free. I know my start up Seekrs would have been stolen and poof like that someone makes a killing. It’s already been chopped up and screwed. The most recent project I worked on for a Hackathon is definitely going to get copied as they haven’t got back to me The Virtual Mechanic is up FOR SALE potentially you can contact me via @ama_hazel via Instagram I’ll send you the deck pack. The rules of the Hackathon doesn’t cover IP. So basically it’s a free for all. I worked on this project for 6 weeks. I honestly feel I wasted my time yet again still no feedback. Are you starting to understand my frustration.

Yet, it’s okay I can see people getting funding and placed on incubators. The difference is they are male and tend to be of the same social economical group and background. However through my observation their entilment is so high they can’t seem to take on board constructive criticism or feedback because they think they know it all. Ahh, this statement up to here is genderless

I’ll give you another example a few years ago a friend and I started a music art and technology project. We talked to a number of brands etc I even sent the idea to a key person of influence in the music industry. He told me it was a great idea,but insert excuse. Low and behold a number of similar projects pop up in the space of a few months of talking to collobrators.

A year or so later a prominent music figure showcases a music project which was very similar to what we pitched to the key person of influence. They couldn’t excute the technology part everything else they close to copied. In fact how about you do your due diligence. Before you run projects ask for the paper trail before you put your name to something.

At the time I thought it was grandouse to expect people to sign NDA’s right now I don’t give a shit. People just steal people’s work off the bat and I always find it’s the ones with access to resources who are the best at stealing. Why because they have the money to get away with it. One thing I’m very good at is admin and the paper trail of stuff. I’m a natural investigator. All I have to do request a data protection access and boom. But most companies are so incompetent one they don’t know what it is and two they don’t have the systems in place to retrieve the data. Good luck with the GDPR! Look it up if you don’t know what the acyrnoum means.

I am not going to blanket them but I’m sick and tired of people stealing work. how hard is it for anyone to be orginal in thought?

I can give you various examples of start ups. Who have received funding and are white male and don’t have clear revenue yet are given money and pivot mid way cos the orginal idea you know doesn’t have a revenue stream.

One start up UK based burnt through 21million pound of investment. Their app was removed by apple via the app store and while the company was going bankrupt and staff where still working the founders where off in ibiza living it up! Well I bet the investors were sold a dream of a unicorn. Which is actually a case off extreme horse breeding as compared to unicorns which are going to fart you rainbow money. Ah better luck next time repeat.

If I was to take on a client at this very moment, for Seeekrs I have no safety buffer in place to refund their money if the project goes wrong. I am fed up of having to work for free. I am not anyone’s damn slave and the same applies for job roles where they hire me to do an entry level role yet I end up dealing with basic stuff which any half decent manger should no. Stop hiring and promoting the wrong people.

right now I need a CEO who is much better than me. I’ve taken it this far, I’m going to have to play poker face.

I often get asked to do work of management yet won’t pay me accordingly, most of the time it’s easy. You may argue oh say no. It’s not your job. Well I don’t work like that. This whole it’s not my job is why companies stall because no one goes above and beyond their job role. Oh, that’s not my job. Okay whatever don’t be upset when they replace you with a robot with AI which sounds like a human and you don’t know if you are talking to a robot or a human.

They say oh, entrepreneur life is cool. Oh no it fucking isn’t. It’s crap as hell and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Yet, right now I am at my wit’s end with people’s misconception of the capability of women and women of color..it’s as if I’m some alien walking the planet as a human. Being treated like a fucking zit, it’s okay to pick at me for free ideas yet, paying me is like well. We don’t have the budget but well done for the effort. what most people don’t do is come with a solution or cash up front. Because one they want us to do okay, but not okay enough so we are better than them. That just defeats the object. Give them enough rope to make them think they can climb the ladder knowing full well. It’s not ever going to reach the top, yet when we do realise this rope is useless you have handed us here to help. You, basically gave us is a short straw then and say oh you should be greatful. This behavior supercedes race. This is character.

They will stand at the bottom and shout loud so everyone can hear and say oh thanks for the hard work come back down. We might think oh that’s the safe option, and figure there must be another way to get further to the top only to be treated like I am a participant of tough mudder. (If you die on course of tough mudder it’s not their fault as you signed the terms and conditions). Only to then be told when I reach the end oh we’ve add an extra task for you, just to make sure you are capable. While the rest receive their medals and pat’s on the back well done peter such a great job. Yeah whatever fuckwits.

Stop taking the fucking piss out of me! Does it say or sound or even look like it says stupid cunt across my forehead?

Anyone feel free to take you precious time to impose those words across my forehead and create a meme.

Rant over.

This is the real.life life side of start up life in diary of a blaque girl. It’s hard work but nothing worth working for comes easy.

You can like share comment argue etc. I am open to ideas..please don’t patronize me.

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