Let’s Stop Making “Discipline” a Dirty Word

When did it become “mean” or “bad” to enforce rules, limits, boundaries, or consequences of any kind? When did setting restrictions become synonymous with lacking empathy?

I suppose some would say I’m pretty liberal when it comes to discipline with kids in the sense that I see misbehavior not as something to squash, but as a call for help — a plea for the adults in their life to dig deeper and give them the tools they need. They don’t know what they don’t know, so a child’s behavior is the language they speak when they can’t articulate their needs. I suppose this is true with adults, too. However, pain or ignorance is not a free pass — personal responsibility plays a role

When my own child or a student of mine is acting out, I do not go immediately to enforcing a consequence; rather, I look underneath with the intention to connect. 9 times out of 10, there’s something bigger going on and addressing that need takes care of the behavior.

And yet, at the same time, I also understand the need for discipline.

Discipline comes from the word “disciple”, which is derived from an Old English word meaning “one who follows another for the purpose of learning”. Discipline between adult and child is simply an exchange of teaching and learning. Somehow we’ve lost sight of this and the word “discipline” has gained a negative connotation.

As I see it, the job of adults — you know, those with a fully-developed frontal lobe and oodles of life experience…