Fear

Does anyone know what real fear is? Fear is driving down the road, tears pouring down your face praying to a God you don’t know if you believe in that you will make it in time. Picking up the phone and calling a phone you know won’t be answered. Fear is seeing rain spatter the wind shield and still driving faster. It is passing a cop going 20 over and turning onto an unknown road to lose him, but knowing you are wasting time. Fear is getting to your destination and running into the rain hoping you won’t see lifeless eyes staring back at you. Fear is seeing police cars everywhere and hearing one of them shout at you as they ask you to move, to leave. Fear is sitting, waiting. Hoping and praying that you made it in time. Holding on to the one you love as tears pour, and rain pours, knowing that you didn’t make it. Your best friend is gone.

That feeling when your heart drops, and a sob escapes your lips? That is despair.

The feeling when your heart finally stops slowly shattering, when you can finally see the rain, the people in the car with you? That is hope. Hope is the sound of your voice barely reaching my ear drum as you speak to my friend through her phone, as you lie, “I was sleeping.” Hope is the sob that breaks out of my throat as I cry out. Hope is the police officer telling me that you are being taken somewhere safe where you can get help. Hope is me standing in the rain holding a blonde haired girl as I whisper that “it will be okay, he is safe now.” as more tears stream down my face. It is the feeling as I turn into a man I loves chest, let tears fall that are filled with fear, pain, and relief. Hope is hearing your voice through the phone, telling me you aren’t mad. Hope is feeling your arms around me as I finally realize you really are okay.