How to make Pornocello™

You can use about this much.
Just two simple ingredients
As much candy as the vodka can hold

This is a highly toxic and not-good-for you cocktail inspired somewhere over Greenland by a punch-drunk moment between international strangers on a plane.
 (It is much worse than Limoncello, but less creepy than actual porn.)

  1. Start with a package of Lemon Candy.
  2. Put it in a jar.
  3. Cover it with “Really Good Vodka.” (Whatever’s cheap.)
  4. Shake it every few days.
  5. When the candy has dissolved as much as it will, pour off the sticky yellow liquid into a bottle.
  6. (The bottle should probably be clean.)
  7. Keep it in the freezer.
  8. After dinner, unzip your pants.
  9. Drink straight from the bottle.

Actually, the resulting sticky-sweet alcoholic syrup tastes pretty good over ice cream, or mixed in a cocktail. And you can make it with any kind of candy (Jolly Rancher Vodka is a Thing).

A fancy label makes it fancy. Adding “TM” makes it the Real Thing.

But if it’s lemon flavored, call this cloying beverage by the proper Italo-American adult beverage name: Pornocello!


This happy homemaker has no idea what she is doing.

Originally published at on January 5, 2016.