Star Trek Feminist Alternate Plotlines

Spock shows his bonafides as an ally; Uhura says something intelligent; Troi realizes Riker is a fuccboi

Mar 22 · 3 min read

Lieutenant Uhura says something intelligent, and the crew listens to her without interrupting. Based on the merit of her contributions, she is given a more meaningful role than glorified switchboard operator and person who drives the action forward by pointing out what’s happening and asking “what is it, Captain?”

A female scientist is brought on an away mission with Kirk, Spock, Bones, and a handful of red shirts who will soon meet their demise. The scientist makes a meaningful contribution to the mission and does not fall madly in love with Kirk after he gives her a half smile and begins talking about how beautiful she is. In fact, when Kirk does this, Spock shows his bonafides as an ally and tells Kirk that it is inappropriate to speak to a valued member of the crew in this manner — after all, women aren’t just adornments, but people. Kirk realizes his mistake and apologizes.

Majel Barrett is kept on as Number One and we never meet Nurse Chapel, whose sole purpose seems to be to be in love with Spock and get yelled at by McCoy.

That Yeoman lady who serves Kirk his meals turns out to be a Klingon spy and takes control of the ship, causing Kirk to remark, “I never realized women could drive. Now serve me my dinner!” She throws him in the brig and flies around the galaxy for decades with the Enterprise’s crew, who come to respect her as their leader.

Tasha Yar is given lines, depth, and fantastic story lines in the first season of The Next Generation. She is not unceremoniously killed by a weird blob.

Deanna Troi realizes Riker is a fuccboi after watching him carry on a string of affairs as continues to claim he “just doesn’t want anything serious right now” because he is trying to get his first command. After Riker turns down two offers of his own command, Troi calls bullshit and dumps chocolate fondue sauce on Riker’s head — she marries Worf, who is far superior anyway.

Risa does not exist.

Geordi is discharged from Star Fleet for his creepy hologram recreation of a female scientist, which he of course subsequently falls in love with.

The dabo girls stage a revolt against Quark, demanding he pay for their post-secondary education and financially compensate them for the sexual harassment they’ve received over the years. Quark becomes a feminist and agrees to their demands after having to spend a day in one of their bodies due to a spatial anomaly or something.

A woman becomes Grand Nagus. She wears clothes and is respected among the Ferengi people as a legitimate leader and a great financial strategist.

B’Elanna Torres tires of Tom Paris’ complete disregard of their relationship and instead marries Chakotay.

Tom Paris’ creepy fascination with Orion slave girls is replaced by a deep respect for the achievements of female scientific pioneers like Marie Curie and Ada Lovelace. Actually, if we’re making shit up, how about Tom Paris is replaced, period.

Seven of Nine wears a tent dress after she is imprisoned by a race that does not objectify women by putting them in skintight costumes that cause them to almost pass out. She discovers she likes it, and after returning to Voyager she exclusively wears tent dresses, sweatpants and baggy t-shirts. No one on the crew notices because in the future, women are not judged on their sexual appeal or clothing.

Kristen Pyszczyk

Written by

writer | editor | cheese enthusiast | kristen.pyszczyk@gmail.com

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